


In the Rain

by sungbear (flopyxing)



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Pining, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flopyxing/pseuds/sungbear
Summary: In his second year of high school, Kim Wonpil learns that he cherishes his best friend, Park Sungjin, beyond all reason. What Can I Do? I Loved You When You Love Someone (Else)-verse.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> [whispers softly and with feeling]: what the fuck.

 

** SPRING  **

 

It was late in the afternoon, about half an hour before the sun was supposed to set. Kim Wonpil had been leaning over the steel bridge railings for some time now and his armpits were starting to hurt. He was itching to check his phone for any messages but knew that it would make his anxiety spike up. It hadn’t buzzed since Sungjin’s last reply and that was maybe ten, twenty minutes ago? Who knows? Watching the river flow was less stressful. But if his best friend wasn’t coming in the next five minutes, Wonpil might just tilt forward a little bit more and fall to his death. Just as the thought presented itself, he heard familiar footfalls to his left.

 

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Park Sungjin said, looking no worse for wear. Sure, Wonpil didn’t actually mention in his text that the situation was urgent, but wouldn’t anyone automatically interpret ' _I have something to tell you'_   as something pretty serious? They had never decided on it officially but this bridge has become their meeting spot for whenever they had serious news to share.

 

“The bus got stuck in traffic,” he added as he leaned against the railings. Oh. So Sungjin wasn’t in the area at the time. Wonpil could forgive him for that then. Okay. “What’s going on?”

 

Wonpil had rehearsed what he was going to say since the night before but Sungjin’s unsuspecting smile threw his words in a jumble, like fallen leaves scattering in the wind. Was he really going to do this? He tore his eyes away from Sungjin’s warm gaze to stare at his fidgeting fingers. Was he trembling because he was genuinely nervous or because that was what people did when they were scared? Sungjin must have noticed because instead of being pushy like usual, he waited patiently for Wonpil to speak. 

 

It’s been three years since Sungjin moved up north and not enough time for him to completely shake off the ‘manly Busan man’ stereotype. And he even had a pretty tenacious personality. It was something Wonpil admired a lot in his friend. Did he really want to gamble away their close friendship? His nails dug into his palms at the thought. No, if Sungjin found Wonpil disgusting it was better if they had nothing to do with each other anymore.

 

“I’m….” In his hesitation, his nails broke the skin of his palm. He winced at the pain and at himself for being pathetic. Sungjin said nothing and he was grateful for that. He was being so patient. Jumping off the proverbial cliff, Wonpil blurted out the secret that’s been causing him so much heartache for the past year.

 

“I’m gay.” As soon as he said those damning words, his eyes watered. The silence that followed was strained. Wonpil raised his head and stared up at the blurry sky, too scared to blink in case the tears fell and absolutely terrified of seeing the expression on Sungjin’s face. The crescent-shaped indents on his skin must be permanent by now.

 

“So…yer inta…,” Sungjin trailed off, leaving Wonpil to fill in the blanks.

 

He finally looked at his best friend. “Guys, yeah. There’s nothing wrong with me,” he continued in a rush, voice hardened by determination. Then, lying through his teeth, he said, “I’m not ashamed of it.”

 

Sungjin looked like he was struggling to find the right words. The tension between them was so suffocating that Wonpil had to stop himself from shaking the words out of him. “...I kinda had a feeling,” he said finally.

 

Wonpil’s face drained of color. “You…did?” Had he been dropping hints without realizing it?

 

“I mean, ya’ve always been girly,” Sungjin said. Of course. Of course he would think that. Wonpil knew all along that Sungjin was like this but hearing the words out loud was as painful as having a knife plunged into his heart.

 

“I’m a man.” Wonpil hated how his voice was breaking and that he could feel his cheeks becoming wet with warm tears, but he pressed on. “Just because I’m a bit ‘girly’ doesn’t mean I’m a girl or that I want to be one. Just because I like cock doesn’t mean I’m a girl! Goddammit, Sungjin! Why are you always so insensitive?!” he shouted. He felt bad seeing Sungjin’s large eyes widen with panic but honestly, Wonpil's had _enough_ of putting up with his microaggressions.

 

“Ya don’t gotta—no, a’ight, it was my bad,” Sungjin said, forgetting to watch his dialect. He breathed heavily out of his nose and pushed his hair out of his eyes in frustration. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t mean ta hurt ya. Really. Everything’s just different here compared ta back home.”

 

Wonpil said nothing. He was disappointed that Sungjin pulled the, ‘I’m from Busan’ card, a convenient excuse he liked to abuse, but he didn’t feel like pressing the issue. Sungjin had apologized. That was good enough for now. He flinched and made a small sound of surprise when Sungjin started patting him on the back.

 

“Ya must’a been hurtin’ a lot,” Sungjin said gruffly, accent still thick. “I’m sorry. Yer my best friend and ain’t nothing’s gonna change between us. I promise. But maybe do me a solid and stop annoying me all the time with yer aegyo. Ya gross me out and it’s got nothing ta do with being gay. And maybe don’t yell out ‘cock’ in public, yer embarrassing me, dumbass.”

 

A watery sob escaped Wonpil’s lips as he wiped his face with the ends of the sleeves of his shirt. He didn’t know whether he was crying or laughing. As clichéd as it sounds, it felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted off his heart and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Sungjin’s next words distracted him.

 

“Anyway…ya got someone ya like?”

 

Wonpil blushed at Sungjin's straightforwardness. “N-not really. To be honest, I met this guy on Overwatch….”

 

“Mhm?” Sungjin was nodding encouragingly but his smile annoyed Wonpil. “Ow! What was that for?” he whined as he rubbed his forearm.

 

“You were laughing at me,” Wonpil said, pouting.

 

“Was not! I wasn’t. Really. So, ya met someone on Overwatch....?”

 

Wonpil was still unconvinced but decided to humor Sungjin. “And he was…he made me realize I’m gay, you know?” Then as an afterthought, he added, “We started dating but I broke up with him a few days ago.”

 

Sungjin gaped at him like a fish. “Huh?? Eh???”

 

Wonpil bit his bottom lip. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh at Sungjin’s reaction or to seriously jump off the bridge out of embarrassment. “It was only for a few months. I’ve never met him face-to-face. I don’t know, it was just too scary. He was too intense. He kept talking about how much he wanted to meet me and the...the things he wanted to do….”

 

“Jesus.”

 

Wonpil ignored him but his face was so hot, he was starting to sweat. “So yeah, I got out. It was just going too fast for me. I mean, he helped me realize who I am and I’m grateful for that….” He clutched his hands to his chest as he tried to find the right words.

 

“But yer just not ready for a serious relationship,” Sungjin finished. Not trusting himself to speak, Wonpil gave him a tiny nod. “That’s perfectly okay. Ya probably need more time ta really be comfortable with yerself first. Reassess yer priorities and all that.” Sungjin's expression was so serious that Wonpil felt more embarrassed if that was even possible.

 

He blew out his cheeks and looked up at the cotton candy pink sky. Sungjin was taking everything really well. Wonpil had hoped that he wouldn’t be faced with the worst case scenario but he hadn’t known that his best friend was this supportive. It went way beyond his meager expectations. He peeked sideways and saw that Sungjin was also staring up at the sky. The fading sunlight cast soft shadows on his easygoing face, giving more depth to his contemplative expression. He didn’t look uncomfortable with the conversation in the least. Wonpil had a crazy idea then that he would do almost anything for him. It was a sudden and scary thought that he quickly, desperately, tried to push aside. “Did you get your right ear pierced?” he blurted out.

 

Sungjin turned towards him with a small jump. His startled expression melted into a sheepish smile. “Yeah, and a triple on my left. I was on the way back when ya texted,” he said, tilting his head to the side so that Wonpil could see the row of black diamond-shaped studs on his earlobe.

 

“Why didn’t you take me with you!?” Wonpil cried, affronted.

 

Sungjin shrugged carelessly, not getting why Wonpil was so upset. “Didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it. They’re just lobe piercings.”

 

“Still… you’re so mean,” Wonpil muttered under his breath. Out of habit, he rubbed his fingers on his left ear where there were two empty holes on his helix. Back in middle school, the two of them had taken a bus to Seoul on a whim. Fresh from Busan, Sungjin was gobsmacked to find a busier and more hectic place than Ilsan. After a lot of coaxing and wheedling, Wonpil managed to convince him to commemorate that day by getting their helixes pierced at a shop that turned a blind eye at their age.

 

Noticing his gesture, Sungjin pulled a face. “Ya took out yers so I thought ya didn’t wanna wear them anymore.”

 

Wonpil scoffed. “I told you it’s just ‘cuz my mom nagged at me. I can’t believe you got _four_ more on the same day. One was just enough for you last time.” He crossed his arms over his chest and puffed out his cheeks.

 

“Okay, okay,” Sungjin said with no little amount of resignation. “You wanna go get another one?”

 

“What?” Wonpil said sulkily. “Like to commemorate my coming out of the closet?”

 

“Yeah, why not?” Sungjin shrugged. “Ya always like ta add significance ta things and this hadn’t been easy for ya, right?”

 

Wonpil’s mouth stretched into his first proper smile of the day. He mentioned it once before but he didn’t expect someone as emotionally constipated as Sungjin to remember such a random detail. “No, it’s fine. I want it to be a normal thing. Like, I wanna be able to say, 'That’s right, I’m gay, what about it?'” He was somewhat proud of himself but deflated when Sungjin only snorted derisively.

 

“Yer just scared yer mam’s gonna beat ya up again.”

 

“That’s not true.” Wonpil pretended not to hear Sungjin’s smug, ‘Eyyyyy’. He shoved at him just to shut him up but it only made Sungjin laugh harder. “Stop bullying me. You’re so mean,” he complained over Sungjin’s incessant teasing.

 

It was funny how easy it was to fall back into their normal routine. They got some tteokbokki to share on their way home and fought over the last piece like starved dogs. The topic of Wonpil’s sexuality didn’t come up again during their endless chattering until they were about to part ways.

 

Even then, it was just a simple exchange of a, “Thanks,” and a light, “Anytime.”

 

** SUMMER  **

 

The days grew longer as spring turned into summer. It was warm enough to change into summer uniforms but there were students who stubbornly wore double layers. When they met on the bus, Sungjin took one look at Wonpil’s sweater vest and grabbed his shoulder.

 

“Oi, ya tryna be cute?”

 

Wonpil didn’t look up from his light novel as he tried to wriggle free.“What are you talking about?” he grumbled. He was still annoyed that someone had stolen the seat he had been eyeing earlier. Trying to read while being pushed and shoved around in the tin can of a bus was a stupid idea but he had borrowed the book from the library and it was due that day. It definitely wasn’t because he’d been catching himself staring at Sungjin a lot lately or that it was happening often enough that he felt awkward about it.

 

“I was wondering if I should say ya looked cute today.”

 

The bus was moving again and Wonpil would have lost his balance if it wasn’t for Sungjin’s strong grip. Heat crept up his cheeks. Wow, where did that come from? “Stop messing with me. I’m not cute.” When Sungjin scoffed, he conceded with a, “Maybe just a little bit.”

 

Life continued normally with classes, cram school, music, books, and video games keeping Wonpil busy. He and Sungjin rarely talked about his sexuality. Sometimes, Sungjin would slip up and say hurtful and careless things. Wonpil would call him out and they’d talk about it, but more often than not he just lets it go. He told himself it was enough, that he should be grateful that he had someone close to him to even accept him for who he was.

 

If he could pinpoint the biggest change in their friendship, it was that Sungjin was spending more time with him. He would even tag along with Wonpil to the school library during recess when he would usually find someone else to play soccer or basketball or what-have-you with. It was weird but Wonpil stopped questioning it after the first few times. He wasn’t going to feel guilty for pulling Sungjin away from more exciting activities anymore. He was even learning to enjoy his silent company.

 

The library was big and the deeper you went in, the emptier it got. Wonpil’s favorite spot was in between the shelves that separated the reference books from fiction. Considering that most of the students go to the library to study and they would already have their own reference books, Wonpil, and now Sungjin, were usually left alone.

 

On an otherwise regular day, Wonpil was distracted by the presence of another person. From what he could tell through the gaps in the clumsily arranged books, it was one of his classmates. What was her name again? Ah, who cares? He was about to go back to his book when his eyes betrayed him and wandered over towards the other end of the shelf where Sungjin was.

 

Sungjin was staring at her and at first, Wonpil assumed that he was just as surprised to see their classmate as he was. No one from their class ever goes to the library besides them, and Sungjin was only there because of him. But then Wonpil caught a glimpse of a shy smile when Sungjin suddenly looked down at his shoes.

 

Wonpil had known Sungjin for around three years. You wouldn’t know it with the way they were always attached to the hip. They knew each other so well that they could go on a quiz show on tv to prove their friendship and win the grand prize. Despite that, Wonpil had never seen Sungjin with such a soft expression on his face before.

 

Lee Sora. That was her name. Just like an anime protagonist, she sits by the window and was the only girl in class to have a boy as her desk partner. Not only that, the boy in question was Park Jaehyung, the Korean-American transfer student. The two make an eye-catching couple, Lee Sora with her supermodel figure and Park Jaehyung with his rose-gold hair in a sea of black and brown.

 

Everyone thought they were dating despite their constant denials. Wonpil thought so too until just recently. Their class was deciding roles for the haunted house they were planning to do during the annual school festival in October. No one wanted to be the star of the haunted house, it was too much of a hassle, so they decided to nominate five people to duke it out over basketball. The idea was so ridiculous, Wonpil was amazed by how so many in the class were swayed by Park Jaehyung’s charisma.

 

Hilariously, Park Jaehyung and Sungjin were picked. Less hilariously, so was Wonpil thanks to Sungjin’s revenge. To no one’s surprise, Yoon Dowoon, the most popular boy in class was also chosen. But to  _everyone’s_ surprise, their homeroom teacher nominated the class lone wolf, Kang Younghyun. He needed to put in more effort in class participation their teacher said, silencing his protest with a look that said, _Don’t even try_.

 

Kang Younghyun was a bigger enigma than Yoon Dowoon, the antisocial kid who ranked first in their year and has his own fan club. He towered over everyone in the class (except one Park Jaehyung) and exuded a ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe. He dressed and talked like a gangster but the jury was still out if he was even one since he didn’t actually hang out with the school’s delinquents. He cared for no one and no one cared for him.

 

Wonpil could have gone on with his life with this misconception if he hadn’t been paying so much attention to Sungjin lately. Initially, Wonpil was in high spirits after the match because he had narrowly escaped the humiliation of having so many people look at him as a cheap imitation of a monster. But his mood plummeted when he saw Sungjin’s crestfallen face.

 

Sungjin had thought that Lee Sora was smiling at him, realizing a second later that her attention was solely reserved for Kang Younghyun. It was like something straight out of a drama. A love triangle involving a beautiful girl, a bad boy, and a country boy was really happening right in front of his eyes. Wonpil would have laughed if he didn’t feel so sorry for his best friend.

 

More than a proper holiday, summer vacation meant slaving precious hours away in cram school. On the bright side, it also meant that Wonpil’s and Sungjin’s weekly jam sessions were bumped up from two hours to at least six per week. Video games were fun and all but nothing could compare to the feeling of fulfillment Wonpil gets from sitting on his bed with Sungjin right by the window, letting their music be carried off by the balmy breeze.

 

“Your voice is my favorite voice in the whole world,” Wonpil gushed when Sungjin finished his rendition of a recently popular English ballad.

 

The heartfelt praise had Sungjin pointedly not meeting Wonpil’s eyes even as he mumbled a shy thanks.“Yer doing this on purpose,” he added, hugging his acoustic guitar to his chest. He was careful not to shift his legs too much since Wonpil’s keyboard was resting on both of their laps.

 

“No, I was being serious!” Wonpil argued even though it was partially true. It was so funny watching Sungjin squirm at compliments. He’d never get tired of it.

 

> “Park Sungjin,
> 
> Is no country bumpkin,
> 
> His angel voice,
> 
> Has my skin,
> 
> All tingling,”

 

Wonpil sang as his fingers danced happily on the keys. Completely unfazed, Sungjin replied with his own ditty, punctuating his disses with a challenging smirk. “My voice isn’t shrill!” Wonpil protested hotly over the sound of Sungjin’s cackles.

 

One particular Sunday, when the weather was unusually chilly for summer, Wonpil and Sungjin decided to hang out in Seoul. Wonpil had wanted to visit Nagwon Instrument Arcade to check out synthesizers, something he’d been wanting to get for a while.

 

“Why are you suddenly looking for a synth?” Sungjin asked over Wonpil’s shoulder. “Because Christmas is coming up?”

 

“It’s not even Chuseok yet,” Wonpil replied absently.

 

“Want me ta get ya one? For Christmas?” Taken aback by the incongruity of Sungjin’s offer and his casual tone, Wonpil’s hand slipped, hitting the wrong note and making them wince at the sound.

 

“For real?” he asked with both hands over his mouth, hardly daring to believe it.

 

“Yeah, pick out whatever.”

 

“Wow, you’re so cool. I think I’m falling in love,” Wonpil said. Sungjin laughed at his exaggeration but when Wonpil started to shower him with aegyo, he immediately turned around and walked out of the store without a backward glance.

 

They went for lunch after that, then went to the cinema to watch a Hollywood action flick and a local tearjerker back-to-back. “For someone obsessed with his tough guy exterior, you really like melodramas, don’t you?” Wonpil teased as they walked past the playground between the bus stop and their houses. The sky had already gone as dark as ink, evenly spaced streetlights illuminating their way home.

 

Wonpil turned around when Sungjin didn’t answer and found him rooted on the spot a few paces behind him. Sungjin’s previously cheerful expression was replaced with longing, a look that had become familiar in recent weeks. Wonpil followed his line of sight and saw Lee Sora and Kang Younghyun on the swings. Bathed by warm yellow light, and with the way he was looking at her like she hung the moon, the scene was practically picturesque.

 

Of course Sungjin would immediately recognize them. Sungjin’s eyes were always drawn to her. Wonpil understood that. What he didn’t get was the growing irritation he felt. Wonpil pushed the thought aside and led Sungjin away with an arm around his shoulder, chattering with forced excitement about his favorite action scenes from the movie. Sadness and pity chipped away at his irritation with each despondent monosyllabic answer. He was used to carrying a conversation by himself, but not like this. Wonpil hated it. He wanted to hug Sungjin. And he would have if it weren’t for a voice in his head screaming at him about how that was a bad idea.

 

“I want to go to the beach,” Wonpil said to himself wistfully. They were in the academy’s reading room, a dismal place with no windows that left Wonpil with only two options to avoid his books: stare at the ceiling or refresh all his SNS apps obsessively. He had been doing both for the past hour and it drove him crazy. Before he could voice out something dramatic, like wondering what would happen if he were to stab a pencil in his eye, Sungjin startled him with an answer.

 

“Let’s go.” As if to drive home his point, Sungjin started packing up his things. Wonpil watched him with his mouth hanging open. He wasn’t aware that Sungjin was listening, let alone take him seriously. Sensing his hesitation, Sungjin paused and raised an eyebrow. _Well?_ His expression seemed to say.

 

“Are you serious?” Wonpil asked with a smile of disbelief and a little bit of awe at his spontaneity. Sungjin shrugged carelessly as he shouldered his backpack and left the room. Not wanting to be left behind, Wonpil stuffed all of his things into his bag in record time. He caught Sungjin on the elbow and they rushed out of the academy arm-in-arm, brimming with excitement.

 

The nearest beach was Eurwangni in Incheon and since it was getting late in the afternoon, there were a lot of people. Navigating through tourists, families, couples, and groups of friends, they finally found a spot to put their bags. Immediately, Wonpil shucked off his shoes, kicked off his jeans, and unbuttoned his shirt just enough to pull it off.

 

“Yer seriously going inta the water?” Sungjin called out after him, shaking his head in amazement when Wonpil only whooped and cheered in reply. The water was warm but still refreshing. He made sure not to swim too far before relaxing his body so he could float on his back. With his eyes closed to block out the sun and the lapping of water muting the din of the other beachgoers, he was able to clear the clutter from his mind.

 

He didn’t want to think about his grades or his summer workload or Sungjin’s sad expression when he realized that he had no chance with Lee Sora. Huh…? Wonpil submerged then righted himself as well as he could without a solid footing. Why did he have to remember what happened that night? He looked towards the shore where Sungjin was knee-deep in the water and trying to dunk his head without getting his jeans wet. Mood slightly less soured thanks to the unintentionally odd display, Wonpil swam back to shore.

 

Wonpil wanted to make Sungjin laugh so when he got close enough, he grabbed him by the back of the knees. Wonpil meant to pull him into the water with him but with the smooth plane of Sungjin’s stomach, lean and firm from soccer and basketball, right in his face, he choked on seawater instead.

 

“What are you doing?” Sungjin said with a laugh. Wonpil should be happy he got what he wanted but right now he was asking himself the same question. What was that? _What the fuck was that!?_

 

“Nothing,” Wonpil said with his face half in the water, his words blowing bubbles. Feeling self-conscious, he pushed his wet bangs down a few times so it would cover his eyes, the salt making his hair stick together.

 

They played a bit more in the water before Sungjin suggested that they wait for the sunset at the rocky outcrop further down the beach. Wonpil knew that Sungjin could tell he was no longer enjoying himself as much and didn’t want to force him. On the surface, he could be rough and insensitive but Wonpil knew better than anyone that Sungjin’s heart was in the right place. That was all that mattered. He was caring and considerate. He had a mature outlook in life and was someone Wonpil could rely on to listen to his fears and hopes and dreams without making fun or dismissing them.

 

During a lull in their conversation, his appreciation for his best friend fought their way out of his mouth. “I really…” Wonpil paused to lick his dry lips. They were both starting to regret this idea. The sun was taking forever to set and the sea breeze was strong. Normally, Sungjin would push him away whenever he tried to cuddle up to him but it was so cold that Wonpil couldn’t even enjoy this rare moment.

 

“I’m really grateful to have you in my life,” he said, teeth slightly chattering. He heard Sungjin quietly saying, “Me too,” and felt a rush of giddiness. Wonpil cleared his throat. That was embarrassing. Trying to change the subject, he chanted, “Hurry up Mister Sun,” while drumming his palms on his knees. He wanted to laugh when Sungjin joined him so he did.

 

Sungjin roughly shook his shoulder while Wonpil was internally dying over how cute he was. “It’s starting, it’s starting!”

 

“Finally!!” They both whipped out their phones to capture the sunset, but their eyes were locked on the real thing. As the sun touched the horizon, the sky exploded in a brilliant display of colors. It made Wonpil’s heart ache. He wasn't about to forget this moment anytime soon.

 

To get home, they had to take a train and then a bus. The silence between them was comfortable and Wonpil spent part of the long journey pretending to be asleep with his head resting on Sungjin’s shoulder. He carried the smell of the sea with him. As Wonpil breathed in the smell, warmth started to pool at the bottom of his stomach. He wanted to know if Sungjin’s skin tasted like the sea too.

 

The feeling didn’t last long. When they got to their town, Lee Sora got on the bus with a dreamy look on her face, blissfully unaware of their, of Sungjin’s, presence. Like always. And like always, Wonpil was a good friend who pointed her out to his best friend, if only to see him smile. If only to see the kind of smile he himself would never receive.

 

He tried not to be jealous. He could do it, he told himself as he watched Sungjin’s smile reflected on the window. He knew he could. He just had to—

 

Sungjin tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. “I’m getting off here,” he said, his face determined. But what for? What was he planning to do? Before Wonpil could say anything, _do anything_ , Sungjin hopped off the bus and started running out of Wonpil's sight.

 

Wonpil was fuming. He was more upset than worried. It was a new feeling and he was distracted from examining it when he spotted something white from the corner of his eye. Wondering if Sungjin dropped something, he got up from his seat to see what it was. Upon closer look, it was a very cute rabbit keychain. Wonpil glanced over at Lee Sora’s seat and found it empty. Putting two and two together, Wonpil’s hand squeezed the keychain in frustration. Then, because he felt guilty, he apologized to the rabbit.

 

** AUTUMN **

 

By the time the second semester rolled in, they had gone through the rest of their summer vacation without talking about what had happened during that day they went to the beach. He would still talk to Sungjin but Wonpil had been avoiding him by coming to school early without him and disappearing during recess to random places. Today he was hanging around the horizontal bars near the school field, quite literally.

 

Wonpil never thought he would carry a rabbit keychain around with him practically everywhere he went, but there he was, playing with it as though it was his. He had been trying to sort out his feelings but it’s been weeks and he still hasn’t come up with an answer.

 

Okay, Wonpil will admit that his feelings for Sungjin have run deeper than what’s appropriate for even the best of friends. What was he going to do about it? Ruining their friendship just to let his feelings out in the open was out of the question. He cared for Sungjin more than that.

 

That was the thing though, wasn't it? He cared so much for Sungjin, he cherished him beyond all reason. And it’s been painful watching him hurt himself over someone who barely looked his way.

 

Wonpil didn’t want to use the keychain as an excuse to get Sungjin to talk to her. Wonpil didn’t want to raise Sungjin's hopes only for it to inevitably get shot down. Again. But he also wanted to make Sungjin happy. He noticed that they’ve been trading polite smiles in class, but that was the extent of Sungjin’s progress.

 

Wonpil pulled himself up, his core muscles protesting violently. He briefly flirted with the idea of exercising more often before cold reality sank in. One, he was never going to exercise any more than he already was and two, he really would do almost anything for his best friend. The rabbit was going to be a plot device for Sungjin’s adolescent romance.

 

The next day, he waited for Sungjin at their usual spot on the bridge. It was late in the afternoon and there were people jogging and cycling by the riverbank. Wonpil’s remembered that he wanted to try to exercise more before the memory was replaced with his coming out last spring. It was fitting for him to be there for Sungjin months after he had chosen to stay by Wonpil’s side.

 

“Hey,” Sungjin said, pulling Wonpil out of his sappy thoughts. With a sigh, Sungjin copied Wonpil’s stance and rested his chin on his elbows. “It’s already autumn, huh?” Instead of answering, Wonpil wordlessly offered him the keychain. Sungjin accepted it easily, even though his forehead crinkled in confusion. “What’s this?”

 

“You know that night you ditched me?”

 

The corners of Sungjin’s lips quirked up. “Yer annoyed by that? Try walking forty minutes just to get home because you missed the last bus.”

 

Wonpil didn’t remind him that it was his own fault. He wasn’t here to argue over petty things like being abandoned for a pretty girl. “It’s Lee Sora’s,” he said, not missing the way Sungjin’s fingers twitched at the mention of her name. “She dropped it on the bus. You should give it back to her and tell her you like her.” Somehow, contrary to his expectations, Sungjin’s smile didn’t make Wonpil happy. It was self-deprecating and Wonpil wanted to snatch the keychain back and pretend as if the past few seconds didn't happen. He looked away, hoping that his face didn’t show what he was thinking.

 

“Ah...thanks, but I already did.”

 

Wonpil almost gave himself whiplash. “What?”

 

“I confessed that night,” Sungjin explained, squeezing the keychain like a stress ball. “I told her I didn’t need an answer. It’s just…it was getting overwhelming...I liked her so much and I know she doesn’t feel the same way.

 

“I guess I’m just really selfish. I pushed my feelings on her just because I didn’t want to regret not saying anything.”

 

Wonpil knew. He knew. He knew that in the end, he was useless, but his heart just wouldn’t listen to reason. He didn’t think he could actually absorb someone else’s pain and make it his own. Who would have thought that having a heart could hurt so much? “As expected of a Busan man,” he said, managing to hide his sadness with a chuckle.

 

“Ya making fun of me?” Sungjin asked, his tone suggesting that he took no offense.

 

“No,” Wonpil said seriously. “You know that I always think you’re cool.”

 

Sungjin handed over the rabbit and with it, all of Wonpil’s courage that he had set aside for him. “Yeah. Guess I do.”

 

** WINTER  **

 

The school festival came and went without issue and before Wonpil knew it, winter came and dragged with it bleak weather and exams. It had been happening for a while now but Sungjin no longer hung out at the library, even after he had sorted out his feelings. Something about wanting to sweat out the exam stress. Whatever. They were just reverting back to their previous routine and he’d been wanting some time alone anyway. His annoyance slowly drained with each paragraph he absorbed.

 

As if the universe was trying to spite him, Park Jaehyung walked past Wonpil’s shelf. “Ah, found you!” he whispered excitedly, his indoor shoes squeaking as he backtracked. Squatting next to Wonpil, he unshouldered his backpack and unzipped it with a flourish. “I come bearing gifts,” he said dramatically.

 

Wonpil’s eyes traveled back and forth between the hoard of snacks and Park Jaehyung’s waggling eyebrows. He had a lot of things he wanted to ask but the situation was so strange that he decided to make a joke. “Who are you?”

 

Surprisingly, Park Jaehyung took it in stride. “Hi, my name is Jae. We’re in the same class,” he said as he grabbed Wonpil’s hand and shook it.

 

“I know. It was a joke,” Wonpil replied, feeling a bit bad. He was probably being insensitive to the fact that it was hard for anyone to catch social cues well in an unfamiliar language.

 

Park Jaehyung waved his apology away with a careless hand. “Oh, I knew that but I wanted to make a good impassion.”

 

Or not. Wonpil squinted suspiciously at him. Was _he_ pulling a joke now or… “Did you mean...'impression'?”

 

“Yes.” Park Jaehyung snapped his fingers. “That. This is good. You’re perfect!”

 

Slightly unnerved by his enthusiasm and the shrinking space between them, Wonpil started to shuffle away. “Me?” he said, deciding that he should stall for time and then escape when he least expected it. To his shock and embarrassment, Park Jaehyung suddenly threw himself on the floor.

 

“Please tutor me!”

 

Wonpil whipped his head around to see if anyone heard that. No one did or they couldn’t care less. Either way, it helped calm down the pounding of his heart. “This is a library!” he hissed, putting a finger on his lips in the classic shushing pose.

 

Park Jaehyung picked himself back up and folded his legs to sit on his heels. “Sorry,” he said, copying Wonpil’s gesture. Then, bowing his head, he repeated his strange request. When Wonpil asked why it had to be him, he didn’t expect Park Jaehyung to pull out a piece of paper from his pocket and read out a list of reasons in a rehearsed tone.

 

“Number one, I don’t go to cram school. Number two, my friend ditched me for her boyfriend. Number three, Brian said he would help ask Yoon Dowoon to tutor me but he keeps forgetting because of reason number two. Number four, you, Kim Wonpil, are ranked second in class behind Dowoon.” Looking very proud of himself, he folded the paper and returned it to his pocket.

 

Wonpil wanted to take offense with the final point but there was a more pressing issue. “Who’s Brian?”

 

For some reason, Park Jaehyung found it funny. “Ah, him. Kang Younghyun. That ‘ **bad boy** ’,” he explained with air-quotes. “ **I don’t know how to say ‘delinquent’ in Korean**. Did you know he’s a returner? **Is that how you say it?** ‘Returner’? **Whatever.** I didn’t. I just learned last week. He was in middle school until Canada. Something about fights so his parents said come back.”

 

Between the revelation that Kang Younghyun went to Canada to study, Park Jaehyung’s rapid-fire speech and his fluid switches between English and Korean...it was a lot to take in. In the end, Wonpil pulled himself together. “Park—”

 

“ **Just Jae please**.”

 

“Jae… Okay, let me get this straight. You and Kang Young—”

 

“Brian.”

 

Wonpil felt the beginnings of a headache rearing its head and demanding blood. “...Brian...are friends.”

 

“Oh, we’re not. Not yet. He’s still **on** **probation**. **Best friend duties** , y’know?” He winked and clicked his tongue. It was cute enough that Wonpil lowered his defenses slightly.

 

“So why would Kang—”

 

“Brian Kang.”

 

“...Brian Kang help you put in a good word for Yoon Dowoon?” _Jae_ and _Brian Kang_ being friends was shocking enough. If Brian Kang was also friends with the most popular boy in school, well, that was just unfair. How could one person have everything?

 

“ **Believe it or not** , they’re friends,” Jae whispered theatrically behind his hand, crushing what little trust Wonpil had in life.

 

“That’s unfair,” Wonpil blurted out before realizing what he did. He clapped a hand over his mouth.

 

Jae, bless him, didn’t read too much into it. “Why? You’re smart too. That’s why I’m asking for your help.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too late to cram? Exam starts next week,” he pointed out, inwardly collapsing with relief when Jae accepted his change of subject easily.

 

“Yeah, but next year’s the college entrance exams. **I’m planning ahead.** ” Seeing that Wonpil wasn’t satisfied with that answer, Jae heaved a sigh and adjusted his legs into a more comfortable position. “ **This is a secret, okay?** ”

 

Wonpil nodded and pretended to zip his mouth shut, smiling widely when Jae chuckled. Somehow, that gesture loosened the tension out of Jae’s shoulders. But he was still nervous, judging by the way he was playing with his shoelaces and pointedly not looking at Wonpil.

 

“Actually, I came here to be a **rockstar**. I’m still a trainee but recently my company said that I might debut before I...what’s the word? **Graduate?** ” He grinned at Wonpil’s gasp but it faded quickly with his next words. “But suddenly my parents told me that I can’t...stop school? Ugh, I know this!” He scratched his head roughly in frustration.

 

“Drop out?” Wonpil suggested.

 

“Yeah, drop out. They said focus on studies first. If I don’t listen, I have to go back to the US.” He shook his head when Wonpil mentioned going to a cram school. “I have practice. **I’m looking for something flexible that won’t eat up my practice time. Like, a few hours after school. I’m trying to cut down on commuting from too many places.** ”

 

Wonpil scrunched his face as he tried to piece together the important points Jae was saying. He was definitely talking about practice and school. And something about not eating? And cutting? Jae misread his expression because the next thing he said was, “I can pay. Not with this.” He lifted his backpack and shook it, oddly taken aback when packs of biscuits and bread predictably tumbled to the floor. “I mean with real money.”

 

“I don’t really need money,” Wonpil said as he helped pick up the snacks. Hearing that, Jae deflated.

 

“ **Oh right, we’re all** **rich kids**.” Then he perked up and offered to teach Wonpil to play guitar before deflating like a balloon again when he refused.

 

“My best friend already tried. Guitar just doesn’t suit me.”

 

“ **Then do it out of the goodness in your heart** ,” Jae begged, his hands clasped tight. “Please.”

 

Wonpil wanted to smile at Jae’s pout but it turned into a grimace. “Sorry, but I’m kind of sick of being nice now.” He didn’t know how to navigate the stretch of awkward silence that followed his words but then Jae threw him a lifeline.

 

“ **Dude, I know a lot of nice people and right now, right this very moment, you ain’t one of ‘em** ,” he said, gesticulating wildly.

 

Wonpil couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that burst forth. He thought that he could be ridiculous once in awhile but Jae was on a whole different level. He wondered what Sungjin would think about Jae since he liked to pretend Wonpil didn’t exist when he was in that kind of mood. Would Sungjin be uncomfortable with Wonpil spending time with his crush’s friend? Did it go against some kind of bro code? He contemplated it for a few heartbeats before deciding to throw caution to the wind.

 

“...Fine, I’ll help you out.” Jae mouthed a ‘Yassss’ and pumped his fist in the air. “In exchange, help me with my English speaking skills.”

 

Jae was practically bouncing with excitement. It was like watching a large, skinny, puppy begging to play. “ **Aw, English, yes! Heck yeah! I’m totally down. Let’s do that right now!** ”

 

“Right now?” Wonpil asked, wondering if he heard it right.

 

“ **Try to say it in English, please.** ”

 

“ **Right now?** ”

 

“ **That’s how we roll, son!** ”

 

It was when they parted ways after an easy review that Wonpil suddenly remembered that he could have asked Jae to help him return Lee Sora’s keychain. It was a great idea. If he ever got around to it. For some reason, he kept coming up with excuses to hold onto it a bit longer.

 

He should give it to her in person, it was probably long past the ideal time to bring it up, Jae might ask him invasive questions, etc, etc. The more he spent time with Jae, the more it reminded Wonpil of his cowardice and selfishness.

 

It wasn’t all bad if Wonpil was honest with himself (and he usually liked to live in blissful denial). Jae already had a solid foundation in basic Korean because of his family but it was thanks to his gift for languages that he could quickly pick up contemporary conversational Korean despite only transferring last year. On Wonpil’s side, he could basically understand English from the exposure from the mass media. He just has problems speaking it. It helped that he also had practice conversing with someone who struggled with sticking to standard Korean.

 

That wasn’t the only similarity Jae shared with Sungjin. Whether it was subconscious, Jae could be adorable. But he hated it when Wonpil tries to be cute, the hypocrite. Wonpil would take offense in it but like Sungjin, it was so fun to tease out his reactions.

 

“ **I haven’t felt this afraid for my life in a while** ,” Jae quipped when Wonpil threatened to punish him with tickles the next time he forgets to show how he solved a trig equation.

 

Sungjin was barely affected by the idea that he would see more of Jae in one school day. Wonpil hadn’t known how to bring it up so it was only when Jae sidled up to him with a workbook and a pen in hand in the middle of the corridor that he found out that Wonpil got himself a student. “Pretty impressive huh?” Wonpil tried to joke even as he wrung his hands out of nervousness.

 

“Yeah, that’s cool,” Sungjin agreed. Wonpil could tell his mind was elsewhere but he let it slide. If Jae picked up on any uncomfortable vibes in the air, he didn’t say. At least, not in front of Sungjin.

 

“What’s up with you and Park Sungjin?” Jae said one day, apropos of nothing. Not expecting the curveball, Wonpil choked on his straw and dribbled his iced Americano down his shirt. It was a Sunday and they were having a last-minute cram session at an upscale coffee shop of Jae’s choosing.

 

“I don’t—he’s my best friend. That’s all there is to it,” Wonpil spluttered as he furiously dabbed at his shirt with a tissue paper.

 

Jae, the bastard, wasn’t deterred by his flimsy dismissal. “Alright, alright. Fair enough. But if you ever need to let things out, I’m here for you. **You can trust your Jae-hyung.** ”

 

Wonpil chuckled politely at the terrible pun then fell silent as he contemplated coming out to someone he barely knew. Maybe the exhaustion from their two-week long exams was making him hysterical. Or it could be Wonpil’s wish earlier in the year that he could talk about his sexuality without having to make a big deal out of it. Or it might just be the coffee.

 

Whatever it was, it had Wonpil thinking about how much he wanted to get over his feelings and move on. He wanted to find someone else to pour love into. He’d been entertaining the thought for some time now that it felt like a routine. He didn’t count on having any new ideas, but then his treacherous brain supplied him with the image of Sungjin bringing Lee Sora home to meet his parents. To his growing horror, she melted into a faceless, unknown man that nevertheless looked like he belonged next to Sungjin. With a sharp pain in his chest, Wonpil realized that he couldn’t stand the thought of _Sungjin_ moving on to someone that wasn’t Wonpil.

 

“I’m so in love with him,” he whispered into his hands. He could only make out one or two phrases Jae said to him through the white noise in his ears. The ones that stood out to him most were ‘tell him’. They filled Wonpil with fury.

 

“What do you know?” he shot back in the most scathing tone he could muster. “You think I can just jump out of a bus and chase after him just to confess then walk away without even hearing an answer? You straight people have it so easy. Letting him know about my feelings for him is crazy talk. I'm not just a guy, I'm his _best friend_. He’d see it as a multi-layered betrayal.” Caught in the throes of bitterness and anger, Wonpil kept on ranting, stopping only for breath. To his credit, Jae waited patiently until he ran out of steam before saying anything.

 

Liberated and slightly panting, Wonpil finished his drink in one go. He looked up warily when Jae rapped his knuckles on the table to get his attention. “Are you done?” Without giving him time to respond, Jae gave him a piece of his mind.

 

“ **Okay, now listen up, bitch. I didn't understand most of what you said but I think I got the gist of it. Let’s get something straight, a'ight: I’m bi.** Got it? I defiantly understand you. I moved all the way to the **fucking end of the world** to get away from **my homophobic ex-best friend**. **I think it’s safe to say that I know a thing or two about confessing my feelings only to ruin what I thought was the best of friendship**.”

 

Belatedly, Jae realized that he was loud enough that everyone in the store was looking at him and went red with embarrassment. Wonpil didn’t know where to put his face. The second-hand embarrassment was short-circuiting his brain. Slowly, too slow for his taste, the usual noises of the espresso machine and background chatter filled the awkward silence.

 

“I thought you came here to be a musician,” Wonpil mumbled with the straw still in his mouth. He peeked at Jae through his eyelashes and saw that he was resting his forehead on the table.

 

Jae grunted then lifted his head up. “Yeah, that too. But it was one of my biggest reasons.” He grabbed Wonpil’s cup so that he would stop playing with the ice cubes.

 

Wonpil opened his mouth to whine but it died in his throat at Jae’s glare. “I thought America’s cool about homosexuality,” he said instead with a forced lightness. Jae didn’t bother to respond. He just shrugged his shoulders as if to say, _you and me both buddy_.

 

All thoughts of studying vanished so instead, they shared personal stories and traded opinions. Wonpil listened obediently as Jae pushed him to try new things and meet new people. “ **Take it from me, a new environment helps clear your head. Before you know it, you’ve moved on.** ” His eyes followed Jae’s thoughtful gaze and fell on one of the baristas. Maybe there was a story there he hadn’t yet shared with Wonpil.

 

The last day of the school year felt like the end of a chapter of Wonpil’s life. A few people in the class had suggested that they go celebrate at a noraebang. Wonpil was looking forward to it but when he learned that Lee Sora was also going, he hurriedly made other plans with Sungjin and a few other boys. Wonpil would allow only one of them to be the masochist and he had already immersed himself in that role. He couldn’t bear to see Sungjin mooning at her again.

 

His thoughts drifted to the rabbit keychain he’d been carrying around in his pocket for the entire semester. It had somehow become a symbol of Wonpil’s confusing feelings. It wouldn’t do to hold on to it any longer; he needed to make peace with himself. Wonpil made up his mind to finally let it all go.

 

It was recess when he found Lee Sora and Brian Kang sipping on juice boxes at their usual spot by the stairs that linked their floor to the third years’. “Here to see Jae? He went to get food.” Wonpil blinked nervously at Brian Kang. He was so tall and his gaze was sharp enough to cut Wonpil into tiny pieces.

 

“Ah, no. I’m actually here for you, Lee S-sora.” He quietly cursed himself for biting his tongue at the worst possible moment. It wasn’t the first time they spoke but Wonpil still hadn’t shaken off the feeling of being a rabbit pinned by a hungry fox when Brian stares down at him.

 

Lee Sora looked confused. “Me?” Like Brian Kang, Wonpil rarely exchanged more than a few words with her that had nothing to do with greetings. Admittedly, it was all on him. They saw him as Jae’s friend but he still saw them as nothing more than the people who broke Sungjin’s heart.

 

“Yeah. You dropped something.” The keychain weighed heavily in his pocket. Heavy like the emotions he was prepared to give up. He gave it one last squeeze before handing it over to its owner.

 

_Goodbye, my one-sided love._

 

“Oh my god! Thanks so much Wonpilie! I never thought I’d see it again.” Seeing her bright eyes shining with gratitude, Wonpil felt like maybe he understood a bit of her attractiveness. Brian Kang peered over her shoulder with his head cocked to the side like a curious cat. “What is it?”

 

“It’s a keychain,” then to Wonpil, “Are you going to the noraebang? I’ll treat you to something as thanks.”

 

Wonpil shook his head but his smile didn’t leave his face. Her happiness was infectious. “A few of us are planning on cooping ourselves up all night at the PC bang.” Before she could come up with a compromise, he made an excuse to leave.

 

“Oh, okay. Thanks again. And I hope Sungjin’s doing well!” she called out. Hearing Sungjin’s name, Wonpil stopped in his tracks. He turned his head slowly in her direction and searched her eyes for any hidden meaning. Except, of course, there was none. She was just being polite because that’s what people do. He made a mental note to stop being so suspicious of people. He wanted to be a better person, didn’t he?

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll always have his back,” he said, more to himself. It didn't surprise him to learn how much he meant those words. Making good on his promise, he made his way back to his best friend.

 


	2. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! Quick update, this fic has gone above and beyond my initial plan (mostly because of the awesome feedback) so please consider the previous chapter to be a prologue. Hope you enjoy :)

 

Park Sungjin’s twenty-second summer begins with him counting down the days to his discharge date. He’d be hard-pressed to admit that he’s desperate to leave what has become a prison; it just isn’t in his personality to show any kind of weakness. Sungjin wouldn’t consider nervousness to be a weakness since it was a natural reaction to stressful situations. He understands that. So why is he having trouble accepting that he’s feeling nervous about calling Kim Wonpil, his best friend of almost a decade, to let him know he’s getting out?

 

“Ah, fuck it,” he whispers to himself before promptly regretting it when Wonpil didn’t immediately pick up. When he finally does, and after two years of not hearing Wonpil’s voice, Sungjin forgets what he wanted to say.

 

“...Hello?” Wonpil says again, voice low and laced with suspicion.

 

Shaking himself out of his stupor, Sungjin clears his throat. “Hey, it’s me.”

 

“Sungjin? Whoa, I was wondering since it’s a military area code but I didn’t want to embarrass myself in case it wasn’t you!” Wonpil says with a chuckle. The sound, as heavily processed as it is through the receiver, makes Sungjin smile before he remembers that he’s on borrowed time.

 

“Yeah, anyway, I only have fifteen minutes so listen Wonpil. I’m getting discharged next week.”

 

“I know,” Wonpil says simply.

 

Sungjin pulls the receiver from his ear and gives it a confused look. He wonders if he heard Wonpil right. “You did?” he asks, incredulous. “No, that’s not important. I wanted to know if my room’s still available because I was planning on going straight to our place. I don’t want to kick someone out in case you’ve sublet my room.”

 

He knows that that was the wrong thing to say when Wonpil stays silent. “Hello?” he tries when the silence stretches on too long.

 

“Sungjin-ah… how could you ask me something like that?”

 

“No, I mean, it was just a precaution,” Sungjin says, trying to placate him because Wonpil sounds ready to raise his voice. He wants to laugh at how ridiculous Wonpil is being. There really isn’t any reason to take offense. Just in case, he covers the receiver with his hand.

 

“Why would I give away your room to some stranger! Wow, you’re really something! Looks like military service hasn’t fixed that insensitive part of your personality.”

 

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” Sungjin says, giving up on trying to hide his amusement.

 

“Save it. Anyway, why are you even worried about that? We’ve already paid the security deposit.”  

 

Sungjin’s forehead creases slightly. “Yeah but...just leaving it empty isn’t really a smart move, financially speaking. You could have talked to the landlady about this.” After a few beats of pointed silence he adds, “Don’t tell me it never occurred to you!”

 

“...Well...what can I say?”

 

He can just picture Wonpil shrugging his shoulders with no remorse and takes a deep breath. He starts to berate Wonpil for his lack of foresight but stops himself halfway. “No, I should have reminded you that you had that option before I left. Seriously, how did you function without me?” Sungjin nags.

 

“I make do,” Wonpil replies softly. His voice sounds vulnerable but with an edge of stubbornness.

 

Sungjin heaves a tired sigh. “You’re lucky it’s our parents’ money.” On one hand, he’s relieved that things aren’t awkward between them like he thought but on the other hand…he’s honestly wondering how Wonpil has been holding up while he’s away.

 

“Funny. I feel like I’ve heard something along those lines before. Anyway, do you know what time you’ll get here? I can skip band practice to pick you up if it’s in the evening but I have work in the morning.”

 

Work? And band practice? Sungjin's glad that Wonpil can’t see him because he’s feeling strangely proud of him. He looks forward to hearing what else Wonpil’s been up to. “No, that’s alright. I’m a grown man. I can get home by myself.”

 

“A military man,” Wonpil jokes. Sungjin half expects to be teased more. Instead, Wonpil just reminds him what their passcode combination is before saying goodbye. Sungjin tries not to feel hurt by his brusqueness. It’s a pity but it’s better to cut the conversation short before he gets into trouble, he tells himself.

 

Sungjin was based in Paju so it doesn’t take him long to get to Seoul, the journey not more than two hours. After letting himself into their officetel, he discovers that the place hasn’t changed much, and his room not at all. Other than the freshly made bed, Wonpil left his things mostly untouched (nothing beyond a good dusting). Standing in the middle of his room, Sungjin felt like he was transported back in time.

 

Thinking that he needs to be kept an eye on, Wonpil’s overprotective parents would only allow Wonpil to live outside of campus if he shared a place with Sungjin. Sungjin was happy enough with living in the dorms but after Wonpil gave him an impassioned speech about freedom and youth, he agreed to the condition. It didn’t take much convincing on his parent’s side, seeing as they were enrolled in the same university and Wonpil was already like family. Ironically, three months into the first semester, Sungjin received his draft letter.

 

He hasn’t been back since he was drafted, choosing to stay with his family in Ilsan during his furlough days. For the last two years, he could never find the time to meet up with Wonpil. Wonpil was always either on the verge of death because of assignment crunch time or tied up with exams. It’s not a big issue. Sungjin doesn’t like to get hung up on these things. But there were times when he caught himself thinking about Wonpil, even when he was hanging out with his other friends.

 

After he’s done with unpacking and had a long shower, Sungjin decides that he’d rather sleep than find food. By the time he wakes up feeling well-rested for the first time in forever, the sky is already dark and the air no longer so stifling hot. He checks his phone for the time and sighs heavily when he sees that he has more than a hundred unread messages. Some were from his family members, some from his friends, and most of them from Wonpil. He starts to reply to the most recent one when he hears the front door opening.

 

“I’m hooome~” Wonpil sings as he takes off his shoes, taking care not to tip over the pizza box in his hands.

 

“You’re back,” Sungjin welcomes him, grinning widely as he snatches the box and the plastic bag hanging off the crook of Wonpil's elbow.

 

“Hope you like Italian,” Wonpil says, knowing the answer even before Sungjin lets out an appreciative moan when he opens it. Sungjin closes it and peeks into the plastic bag.

 

“How did you know I was craving chicken?” he says in wonder.

 

“You always crave chicken, what are you talking about?” Wonpil teases as he lets Sungjin crush him in a one-arm hug.

 

“You got me. Wait, lemme put this down,” Sungjin tells him. When he turns around, he sees that Wonpil has pulled out a bottle of wine from his backpack and is putting it in the fridge to chill.

 

“There’s an Italian restaurant near my workplace,” he explains, elbowing the fridge door close. “I wanted to get you fried chicken and beer in case you’ve already had dinner. But since you didn’t reply I just assumed you haven’t.” Sungjin watches with interest as Wonpil takes off his snapback and throws it on the kitchen bar.

 

“Nice hair,” Sungjin compliments as Wonpil runs his hand through it carelessly. Wine red suits him. So do the lobe piercings and the choker around his neck, but Sungjin won’t mention them out loud even at gunpoint.

 

“Thanks. So’s yours,” Wonpil returns, tongue in cheek, copying Sungjin’s habit when he’s feeling playful. He laughs and doesn’t fight Sungjin off when he grabs a handful of Wonpil’s shirt. “Calm down, tiger.”

 

This close, and with those words said in a syrupy voice, Sungjin suddenly rethinks the hug he was planning to give. With a fond smile as if he can sense Sungjin’s awkwardness, Wonpil pulls him close. “Glad to have you back,” he mumbles, clapping him on the back twice before pulling away.

 

“Me too,” Sungjin says, wondering why Wonpil smells so good even though he knows there’s only so much deodorant could do, especially in the summer heat.

 

Sungjin learns over dinner that Wonpil is interning at an indie music online magazine for the summer. With band practice taking up his free time, he won’t be around much. “Fat’s ohay,” Sungjin assures him through a mouthful of chicken parmesan. He swallows and thanks Wonpil for wiping sauce from the corner of his lips. “I’m planning on taking it easy this week then I’ll be busy with my own stuff.”

 

“Mmmkay.” Wonpil absently sucks his thumb clean, a gesture Sungjin somehow can’t tear his eyes off. “What do you have in mind?”

 

“What?”

 

Wonpil catches his eye, thumb slipping out of his mouth with a pop. He gives Sungjin an appraising sort of look, his eyes dark, as if he's trying to figure something out and not liking his options. Sungjin has no idea what he did to deserve that and inwardly shrugs it off. If there’s something Wonpil wants to share he will. Wonpil seems to have come to the same conclusion. Clearing his throat, he busies himself with wrapping the cheese stringing from his pizza slice around his finger. “Like, what do you plan to do? You’re going back to uni in September, right?”

 

“I dunno really,” Sungjin says with a shrug. “I was thinking of getting a driver’s license. Maybe go on a road trip. Drive all the way to Busan and stopping at some places along the way.” He grins when he sees Wonpil looking interested and exaggerates a sigh. “I wanted to ask you to come with...but it looks like you’re too busy.”

 

“Nooooo! You know I’ve been wanting to go to Busan in forever!”

 

“You could have gone by yourself in the last two years,” Sungjin points out, unimpressed. He pretends not to notice Wonpil wiggling his shoulders while whining in protest like a baby.

 

“How can you expect me to travel on my own? I thought you knew me better than that.”

 

Sungjin tears out another piece of chicken and starts gesturing with it. “Hey, do you even hear yourself right now? You sound like I’m your only friend,” he mocks before popping the chicken into his mouth.

 

“It’s Busan! Your birthplace! I want to meet your grandmother.”

 

Unable to contain his laughter, Sungjin accidentally spits out his chicken. “My grandmother!?”

 

“GROSS! Wow! What a disgusting barbarian!” Wonpil tries to stand up and run away but slips in his haste. A strange combination of a laugh and a shriek leaves his mouth when Sungjin violently pulls the hem of Wonpil's t-shirt. He rolls on his back to force Sungjin to let go but Sungjin only takes advantage of that and climbs on top of Wonpil, pinning him down with his hips and a firm hand on his chest.

 

“What was that you called me?” Sungjin asks sweetly, his greasy fingers held up in Wonpil’s face threateningly.

 

“Nothing, nothing, I said nothing, I swear,” Wonpil babbles between breathless giggles.

 

“Come on,” Sungjin coaxes as he wiggles his fingers. “Just tell me, Wonpilie. You can do it.”

 

Wonpil’s breathing turns heavier, harsher, louder. He starts to push Sungjin away, weakly at first, then harder, not caring if he’s leaving red and yellow prints on Sungjin’s white shirt. “Get off me,” Wonpil whispers, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down and straining against his choker. A shiver runs up Sungjin’s spine as he watches Wonpil’s tanned skin darkening in splotches. “Sungjin. Get off of me,” he grounds out, looking angry and close to tears.

 

Feeling all kinds of confused, Sungjin slides off Wonpil, avoiding a kick in the process. He starts to ask what was wrong but before he can even get a word in, Wonpil has already closed his bedroom door with a deafening slam.

 

Sungjin wakes up with a start to the sound of a switch being turned on. The soft white light seeping through the gap under his bedroom door partially illuminates his room, leaving him disoriented before it slowly clicks to him that he’s no longer at the barracks. He’s always been a very light sleeper and his stint in the army has only exacerbated his condition.

 

Going back to sleep would be hard on a normal day, but now that Sungjin remembers how Wonpil had shut himself up in the room and ignored all of his attempts to talk things out, he’s fully awake. Wonpil’s the type to hold grudges and that’s the last thing Sungjin wants, especially on his first day back.

 

It almost makes him angry, and with the way his blankets just won’t stop tangling around his legs, Sungjin is _this_ close to exploding. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with this shit, he thinks as he opens his door. Not even a second later, he flinches and hisses at the light, temporarily blind and hating the world.

 

“You okay?” he hears Wonpil say, sounding like he’s holding in a laugh. Sungjin rubs his eyes and squints at the direction of his voice. True enough, Wonpil is sitting on the bar, looking completely unconcerned in his hipster glasses as he sips on the plastic straw of his Gundam character tumbler, the bottle of wine in front of him uncorked.

 

Instead of telling Wonpil he could go to hell like he wants to, Sungjin slides into the seat next to him and says, “Drinking without me?” It’s casual enough of a segue and less embarrassing than asking Wonpil if _he_ is alright. In response, Wonpil automatically pushes his tumbler towards Sungjin before snatching it back.

 

“Lemme get you a proper glass,” Wonpil says, walking over to a cabinet and taking out a wine glass from a set that Sungjin didn’t even know they had. For some reason, Sungjin feels like he’s troubling Wonpil when they could have just shared his tumbler.

 

“No? It’s no trouble? You deserve more than an otaku merch,” Wonpil tells him after a quick rinse, punctuating his words with the squeaking of the glass he’s drying.

 

“Okay,” Sungjin mumbles, not knowing if he should take offense since it came with the limited edition Gundam action figure he got for Wonpil’s nineteenth birthday.

 

Wonpil expertly pours him the wine and refills his tumbler with almost childish glee. He’s clearly had a lot of practice and it makes Sungjin wonder who he’s been drinking wine with in a society that functions on soju and makgeolli. “We should lay down some rules,” Wonpil says suddenly after a long stretch of charged silence.

 

Sungjin sets his glass down and rests his elbows on the counter. “You mean like new stuff to add?” he asks, gesturing with his chin at the fridge where they had stuck on a piece of paper. Wonpil hums in affirmation, getting up from his seat to grab the list of house rules they came up with when they first moved in and a pen.

 

With uncharacteristic roughness, Wonpil pops off the pen cap with his teeth and spits it on the counter. “I’m sure you’d be happy to know that I’m not as clingy as I used to be,” he says lightly as he scribbles on the paper, “so no more roughhousing, okay? Let’s set some boundaries.”

 

“Uh, okay?” Sungjin isn’t entirely sure about that despite Wonpil’s assumption. Wonpil’s natural touchy-feely personality aside, they’ve never actually fought about his clinginess. Wonpil only does it to get a rise out of him and he listens when Sungjin tells him he’s gone overboard. Annoying as it may be, it’s—no, was—part of Wonpil's charm. “Looks like you’ve matured a bit.”

 

“A lot,” Wonpil corrects him. He shoots Sungjin a wink and that’s how he knows that Wonpil still has a long way to go. Then his face takes on a serious, and nervous, expression. Sungjin had thought that Wonpil changed a lot, but he’s now reminded of the spring when they were both seventeen. “So...I’ve been bringing people over while you’ve been gone…”

 

“Hm? That’s fine, isn’t it? It’s part of our agreement...” His words trail off with the heat of Wonpil’s stare. Oh. _Oh._ This is a bit awkward. Sungjin’s used to hearing and participating in crude conversations about sex, especially in the army, but it never occurred to him until now that he’s never had that kind of conversation with Wonpil.

 

Is that a bad thing? Is it normal? Is it because Wonpil’s gay? Sungjin’s chest tightens. Wonpil’s nervousness makes so much sense now. He raises his hand to slap Wonpil’s shoulder playfully before remembering that that’s not okay anymore. “No, yeah, that’s perfectly alright. Just try not to be too loud.”

 

“I could say the same for you.”

 

Sungjin decides to ignore the jab. Wonpil’s smiling now and that’s really all that matters. “So...do you have a boyfriend?” he asks, using the same tone his mother uses to ask about his love life.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Wonpil says it as a joke but Sungjin’s surprised by how irritated he is at his reticence. Unlike Sungjin, Wonpil has always been honest and open about things, no matter how small or inconsequential. He realizes that he’s annoyed by the thought of having to relearn his best friend.

 

“No, I couldn’t care less,” he lies, expecting Wonpil to look put out and frowning when he just laughs it off easily. Since Sungjin dug his own grave, he might as well lie in it. “So what else do you want to add?”

 

Wonpil chews his lips in thought. “I think that’s it. Do you have anything?” Sungjin thinks it over and decides he doesn’t. “Okay then. Wait! There’s one more thing!”

 

“What’s that?” Sungjin asks.

 

“The moment you set foot in this house, you can only speak in satoori.”

 

Sungjin stands up abruptly, the legs of the stool screeching against the tiles. For a hot second, he actually thought Wonpil had something serious to say. “Okay, goodnight.”

 

“Aw, come on Sungjinnie~ Ever since you came back, you sound like a completely boring person.” He flinches when Sungjin threatens to flick his forehead.

 

“You do realize that you’re calling yourself boring too.”

 

Wonpil’s answering pout is so exaggerated, it makes Sungjin want to smack him. “I love hearing satoori. I wish I could speak it. Dowoonie has one, you have one...even if you pretend you don’t,” he says sadly.

 

Sungjin rolls his eyes. Even if it’s flattering to hear, Wonpil doesn’t understand how hard he worked to get rid of his Busan dialect. “I think I sound good,” he insists.

 

“You do,” Wonpil agrees sincerely. “Your speech is so smooth now, it’s kind of amazing.” The compliment makes Sungjin feel awkward so without a word, he just leaves his glass in the sink and goes back to his room without saying anything. He wonders if he purposely missed the opportunity to ask who Dowoon was.

 

True to their predictions, Sungjin and Wonpil don’t see each other much except on the weekends. Even then Wonpil will be at practice because his band has been receiving more gigs. He doesn't allow Sungjin to watch him, at least not yet, he has to wait until everything's perfect. Sensing that it’s going to be too much trouble to argue, Sungjin lets it go.

 

Even without Wonpil, Sungjin is never bored. He gets his driver’s license and goes on day trips with friends from high school, coming home with souvenirs to appease a sulking Wonpil. He never goes to Busan which he knows makes Wonpil feel bad but he’s okay with only going there during holidays with his parents.

 

Now that he’s free to feed his snacking habits, Sungjin quickly gains weight. He tries to keep up a routine of jogging along the Han river in the mornings or evenings, but Wonpil seems to only be encouraging him to eat. He jokes that the fridge has never been so full as if he isn’t the one who keeps adding stuff to their cart whenever they buy groceries together. One day, they decide to get some samgyeopsal for dinner at a restaurant just a five-minutes walk from their place. “You eat so well,” Wonpil says happily while he gently pats Sungjin’s full cheeks. The subsequent shrieking is music to Sungjin’s ears, even if the owner asks them to leave immediately and Sungjin remembers too late that he had broken their new rule. Wonpil doesn't say anything about it so Sungjin assumes that it also slipped his mind. He didn't remind Wonpil but he feels bad enough that he treats Wonpil to ice cream from the convenience store. 

 

Foodie he may be, the highlight of Sungjin’s summer is the music-filled days. On Sundays, they usually laze around the living room and do their own thing. But sometimes Sungjin will pick up his guitar and play music with Wonpil, the way they always do, even though Wonpil teases him relentlessly about how rusty he’s become. Once in a while, Wonpil will get free tickets to a music festival or a concert through his work connections. The days when he could go with Sungjin are the best days, although Sungjin’s happy enough to drag another friend if Wonpil can’t make it.

 

Early in August, during the peak of summer, two incidents unfold on the same day, altering their friendship completely. It’s a Saturday and Sungjin wakes up late into the afternoon. Still groggy from sleep, he doesn’t notice the sound of running water as he opens the bathroom door. In his defense, Wonpil not only left the door unlocked, he’s completely unaware of Sungjin’s entrance. Too used to the communal showers at the barracks, Sungjin mentally shrugs it off.

 

“What the fuck!?” Wonpil yells, his loud voice echoing around the room and startling Sungjin so much that he drops his toothbrush and toothpaste tube into the sink. Sungjin huffs, rinsing his toothbrush and reapplying the toothpaste. What a waste. At the corner of his eye, Wonpil is furiously wiping away an imperfect circle of condensation from the shower stall, just enough for Sungjin to see his dark expression. “Park Sungjin! The fuck are you doing here!?”

 

“Brushing my teeth?” Sungjin answers guilelessly, holding each item up before jamming the brush into his mouth.

 

“Wow. Wow!” Wonpil barks out a laugh as he slicks his hair back. The glass starts to condense so he wipes it away again. “Hey, tell me Park Sungjin, are you fucking around with me?”

 

“Um,” Sungjin tries then shuts up when Wonpil turns off the shower head with a bang. He opens the stall door slightly, just enough to stick half of his body out. He gestures at the sink where he left his glasses.

 

“Wipe it for me please,” Wonpil says politely when Sungjin hands it over to him. Then when he puts them on, “Are you serious? Are you for fucking real?”

 

Sungjin wipes at the bathroom mirror in front of him. “Whaf?” he says to Wonpil’s reflection, his hand and toothbrush a blur. Wonpil mutters something unintelligible under his breath then reaches for his towel, his muscles pulling taut. Something catches light and Sungjin does a double take. His jaw drops slowly, dribbling saliva and toothpaste down his chin. It can’t be. Can it?

 

“Stop checking me out, asshole,” Wonpil snaps. Sungjin tears his eyes off Wonpil’s slim torso and brushes faster.

 

“I wasn’t checking you out,” he says after gargling his mouth clean. He was just trying to check  _something_. There’s a difference. Not that he’d say that out loud. When Sungjin raises his head to look at Wonpil’s reflection, he sees that Wonpil has his towel wrapped around his waist and hands resting on his hips. It’s the first time Sungjin notices how tiny Wonpil's waist is before his attention falls on Wonpil’s belly ring. The inlaid diamond winked innocently at Sungjin. He doesn’t think he can keep his face straight any longer so he starts to lather up some cleansing foam.

 

“Hey, dickhead.” Sungjin hears Wonpil’s frustrated sigh but stubbornly keeps his eyes down. Wonpil’s voice is softer now but no less venomous. “Have you forgotten that I’m gay as fuck?”

 

Sungjin doesn’t answer. He's not trying to be rude. He's just...being careful. When he’s done washing his face he says, “What does that have to do with anything?” Good, good, his voice is steady. He wipes the mirror again just in time to see Wonpil throwing his hands up in the air then running his fingers through his damp hair.

 

Wonpil chuckles in disbelief. “Wow, this guy is really something… It has to do with everything, Park Sungjin!” This is probably the most he’s used Sungjin’s full name in less than ten minutes. He also hasn’t heard Wonpil swear so much in so short a time span. Sungjin should probably be scared, but if anything, he’s in shock and struggling very hard to pretend he’s A-okay.

 

“We talked about boundaries remember?” Sungjin hummed in affirmation as he pats his face dry with a hand towel, trying to stall for time long enough for his brain to process the fact that Kim Wonpil’s bellybutton is pierced. “The boundaries are for you,” Wonpil presses on. He falls silent, dragging Sungjin’s attention away from his piercing to his face. He really looks angry and...disappointed? Why?

 

“They’re for you,” he repeats. “So you won’t feel grossed out by your gay friend.”

 

Sungjin turns around and leans against the sink. “Best friend,” he corrects, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s probably overcompensating with the scowl but he needs to be firm and not get distracted by Wonpil’s soft-looking nipples, thankfully unpierced, and on that note, _the goddamn belly ring is making him lose his mind_.

 

“Again, I don’t see how that has to do with anything,” he says in a casual tone, very pleased with his self-control. “Seems to me like you’re the one who’s ‘grossed out’. Although there’s no reason you should feel that way.”

 

Sungjin swallows down the lump in his throat when he sees Wonpil looks so small and defeated. Maybe he went too far but he really just wants Wonpil to not overthink things that don’t even exist. Having lost his fighting spirit, Wonpil half-heartedly flips him the bird. “Ah...seriously...fuck you, Park Sungjin. Look, I have to leave soon. This conversation isn't over. We’ll talk about this after I get back, okay? Can you please give me some privacy this time?”

 

Sungjin nods and turns to leave, his eyes accidentally moving past the piercing and down the trail of fine hair that leads to his crotch. He’s definitely not curious to see the outline of Wonpil’s (already half-hard) cock. No, no, he’s not going to go down that rabbit hole.

 

Not too long after, Sungjin is torn away from studying his suddenly-very-interesting ceiling by the quick rapping on his door. Honestly speaking, he doesn’t know where to look once he opens the door. Wonpil isn’t wearing any accessories today, at least, nothing visible. Dressed in a thin white dress shirt tucked into low-slung skinny ripped jeans, Wonpil toes the line between innocent and naughty. Remembering what’s underneath those clothes, Sungjin’s mouth goes dry.

 

“Eyes up, buddy.” Wonpil’s finger leaves a burning sensation under Sungjin’s chin. He can feel his cock stirring and desperately prays that Wonpil won’t notice. “Sungjin-ah,” he says and Sungjin wonders when exactly Wonpil started calling his name like he’s singing it, even under these circumstances.

 

“I meant what I said. We’re not done talking yet but I have to go now. I’ll see you later, okay?” Sungjin nods weakly, not daring to use proper words in case he says something he’ll regret. Regardless, Wonpil looks satisfied, even if he still looks visibly upset. Sungjin wants to hug him and tell him that everything’s okay but thinks better of it. After the stunt he pulled, Wonpil might not appreciate being touched.

 

He gives Sungjin one last lingering look before he leaves and Sungjin tries very very hard not to stare at his ass. He needs a shower. A cold one. Ice cold. Cold enough to snap him out of this...this thing he’s going through. He may have succeeded in pretending like he had his shit together back then but it was purely because he felt like someone else was sexually harassing his best friend.

 

Despite the freezing cold water, his dick is still hard as a rock. Sungjin presses his forehead against the wall as he stares at it uselessly. Should he just bite the bullet? No. _No_. He is  _not_ going to jack off to his best friend. No matter how hot he looks, just out of the shower and smelling like oranges, a flimsy towel slung low on his hips, and the fucking bellybutton piercing begging to be played with.

 

Sungjin should be surprised by how much he doesn’t mind finding Wonpil sexy or that he’s okay with his best friend getting hard in front of him. Instead, he's unbearably horny and desperate for release. He wraps his cock with a trembling hand and gives it a tentative stroke, hissing in pleasure at the friction. He’s already regretting it but he just _needs to fucking come_. He closes his eyes and lets his mind wander.

 

Back when Wonpil first came out to him, Sungjin started looking for gay porn just to see what’s so good about beefy men fucking each other. Safe to say, it was a very short venture. But now, remembering how normal Wonpil’s body is, if a bit more petite than the average Korean man, it’s almost too easy to imagine him and Wonpil putting their hands on each other.

 

How would Wonpil stroke his cock? How does he like it to be done to him? Does Wonpil like it up his ass or is it the other way around? He’s brought people home hasn’t he? Were they any good? _Does Wonpil fuck any good?_ Sungin groans loudly at the thought, his hand speeding up. He’s panting harshly against the wet tiles now. He shivers, both from the cold and the thought of Wonpil pushing his cock into him, whispering sugary sweet words into Sungjin’s ear as easily as he would in a normal conversation.

 

Sungjin spreads his legs wider and tries to relax. He slows down his pace and brings his other hand to his ass. Slowly, slowly, he pushes a finger inside the tight ring of muscles. Okay no, nope, this feels too weird and his cock feels a little soft now. The overwhelming shame combined with the confusing and loud thoughts in his head is making it harder for him to get off. When he finally does, it leaves him feeling frustrated and still on edge. Sungjin fucking hates himself.

 

He’s fully prepared to confine himself to the bed all day but life, the universe, and Everything has other plans for him. His phone buzzes loudly underneath his pillow, the vibrations not letting Sungjin ignore it. He grabs his phone without getting up and sees that someone’s video calling him. He means to ignore the call but his thumb slips and answers it instead. The smug face of Im Jaebum, a friend from high school, fills the screen.

 

“‘Sup, Park Sungjin,” he greets. The connection is unstable and Jaebum’s voice is drowned by the sound of live music. “Wow, living the easy life, huh?”

 

Sungjin makes a gurgling sound that roughly translates to, “Fuck you,” then smashes his head into his pillow.

 

“Whoa, you alright dude? Does Wonpil know you’re holed up in your room in the dark?” Hearing Wonpil’s name, Sungjin sits up abruptly, getting a crick in the neck in the process. “That got your attention,” Jaebum says with a chuckle. “Look who I ran into~”

 

He watches the screen blur until it stops to show a live band playing on the streets. Then Jaebum zooms onto the keyboardist. Even with the poor lighting and bad reception, he can tell it’s Wonpil. Sungjin doesn’t know what’s so important about this until Jaebum points his phone to the other band members. He doesn’t recognize them until Jaebum says, “Dude, I was so surprised to find out that our Kim Wonpil is busking with Yoon Dowoon and Kang Younghyun instead of you.

 

“You remember them right? I mean, you should, they were in your class. You guys had a lot of celebrity classmates. An American, a gangster, and the most popular kid in school. Wahh, I still remember how jealous I was of Yoon Dowoon and guess what? My girlfriend’s still a fan! I’m breaking up with her.” A female voice tells Jaebum to shut up and appreciate the music so Jaebum takes that as his cue to switch to selfie mode. Sungjin bows his head in greeting when Jaebum’s girlfriend comes into view then tries to get his attention.

 

“Jaebum, where are you right now?”

 

Sungjin isn’t sure if Wonpil will still be there by the time he gets to Hongdae but he has to see it with his own eyes. Once he reaches the place Jaebum mentioned, Sungjin slows down to a jog. He knows he should at least greet Jaebum and his girlfriend in person. He knows that and yet, pushing himself to the front of the crowd feels more important.

 

Jaebum mentioned that he was envious of Yoon Dowoon and Sungjin can somewhat relate. The only difference is that he was jealous of Kang Younghyun, the tall man playing an electric guitar in front of him and that Lee Sora was never his girlfriend. It was so long ago that Sungjin no longer feels the stab of envy whenever he sees Kang Younghyun. Instead, his stomach is swirling with unpleasant emotions because of the person behind the keyboard...his best friend whose eyes are widening in shock upon noticing him.

 

The set ends, and while Sungjin’s debating with himself about whether or not he should stay, he idly thinks that fate is playing a cruel game with him. His phone buzzes in his pocket; it’s Jaebum. Before he can pick up the call, Jaebum slings an arm around him. “Yo, I knew it was you!” They spend a few seconds greeting each other when Jaebum suddenly says, “My girlfriend wants to meet Yoon Dowoon. Think Wonpil can hook us up?” A very cruel game, Sungjin mourns to himself, even as he offers to ask.

 

The band members agree to go for drinks and they pile into Dowoon’s van, the instruments making the journey uncomfortable but not as bad as the tension between Sungjin and Wonpil. He and Wonpil barely look at each other and they avoid exchanging words if at all possible. Sungjin is determined to get along with Kang Younghyun, if only to spite Wonpil, which isn’t too hard because his cold demeanor melts away the instant he opens his mouth. Completely unexpectedly, he and Yoon Dowoon hit it off immediately after Sungjin lapses into Busan dialect, having realized that this is the Dowoon Wonpil had mentioned previously.

 

“It’s embarrassing yannow?” Dowoon says, his voice deeper than is required to speak their dialect, a cute characteristic if anything. His ears turn red as he clutches his glass of soda tightly. “I moved when I was eleven or twelve? And I’m a really, really really really, shy person so I didn’t really have friends to practice pyojuneo with.” Sungjin understands that all too well, his eyes wandering over towards Wonpil who’s quickly pretending that he hadn’t been eavesdropping on them.

 

His memory of Yoon Dowoon was of an antisocial kid who was not only popular because he was at the top of the class but also because of his good looks. He doubts that Dowoon’s fan club members were even aware of how adorable he could be without trying, unlike someone Sungjin knows. It somehow makes perfect sense that Wonpil could have seen past that and befriend him. He probably did the same with Kang Younghyun, who he keeps calling ‘Brian’ in a way that grates on Sungjin’s nerves.

 

Sungjin should have expected that the night would flow as smoothly as the drinks, what with two-thirds of the group blissfully unaware of the potential drama between them. Since all of them graduated from the same high school, they’re able to chat and reminisce late into the night. In total contrast, the atmosphere between him and Wonpil on their journey home can’t get more strained.

 

It’s not like he’s forgotten about what happened earlier that day. Sungjin’s able to differentiate between their current problem and the previous one. Both need to be handled delicately and as Sungjin watches the hodgepodge of buildings of Seoul pass them by, he decides that he needs more time to sort out his feelings.

 

Apparently, Wonpil doesn’t think so. He stops Sungjin before he can disappear into his room. “Sungjin-ah,” he says again, fingers lightly touching Sungjin’s elbow because they both don’t know if anything more is okay right now. “I’m sorry for hiding it from you. I just didn’t want to burden you with unnecessary feelings.”

 

Sungjin rolls his lips into his mouth in an effort to stop himself from saying the first thing on his mind which is to mock Wonpil's words. He’s better than this. Except not really. Wonpil has always been better at using the right words to convey his thoughts. Sungjin is blunt and rough around the edges. He forces his features into what he hopes is a neutral expression.

 

“Wonpil-ah...let’s just consider us even.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You’re still upset about what happened earlier today and I’m upset with you now. So we’re even.”

 

Wonpil’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Those things don’t just cancel each other out. We should talk about this. Let’s sit down and clear up any—” Sungjin stops him with a raised hand.

 

“I think you’re the only one misunderstanding things,” he says stiffly, correctly guessing what Wonpil meant. “I shouldn’t have made you feel uncomfortable earlier today and I apologize for that. But Wonpil-ah, I was serious when I said you shouldn’t let it get to you. I’ve always been okay with you being gay.” He doesn’t mention his own newly-developed identity crisis because it’s not going to help things.

 

“And I’ve always been okay with what happened between Lee Sora and Kang Younghyun. That was _ages_ ago, Wonpil. I got over it. I’m just pissed that you even thought you needed to protect my feelings. Do I look that unreasonable to you? Is that the kind of person you see me as?”

 

Sungjin doesn’t want to hear Wonpil’s answer, even if he has one ready on his lips. He really doesn’t want to talk about it now. It’s a mistake to even say anything. He tries to tell Wonpil that they should talk tomorrow and wish him goodnight, but the words just won’t come. Sighing in frustration, Sungjin pulls away from Wonpil’s touch, wondering just how many barriers they have between them now, his bedroom door notwithstanding.

 


	3. Autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **09/12/2017 EDIT:** I had to adjust the timeline so I've heavily edited this chapter and added a few more scenes.

 

With the amount of time and effort it takes Sungjin to refamiliarize himself with academic life, October catches him completely by surprise. It’s not too weird being older than most of his coursemates. There are maybe one or two other people who also went for military service and a larger number of repeating students. Sungjin’s even made fast friends with someone his age after learning that he’s from Busan and has returned after taking multiple gap years.

 

In the day, when he’s preoccupied with so many things, Sungjin is blessedly free from the shackles of regrets. But it’s a different story when he goes back to what might as well be an empty house. He and Wonpil still haven’t properly talked things out after that fateful night. Sungjin did mean to bring it up the next day but Wonpil left the house early and only came back after Sungjin fell asleep. The next day and the day after went by with Wonpil making himself as scarce as possible until Sungjin misses the window of opportunity to make things right again.

 

He may be getting used to the silence but there’s no denying that Wonpil’s absence feels like a hole in his gut. It’s different than back in the army when Sungjin knows they weren’t talking because they kept missing each other. Although looking back now, he’s no longer sure about that. He can’t think of a reason for Wonpil to avoid him back then but it does explain why Sungjin felt awkward about living with him again.

 

Have they just outgrown each other? No, it feels more like Wonpil’s left Sungjin behind in the dust after he’s had his university debut. It’s weird and kind of impressive to see the jump between Wonpil as an awkwardly eccentric teenager and Wonpil as an adult, still very much an eccentric but wholly self-possessed now. A large part of Sungjin thinks it’s sexy but he’s trying hard to keep his thoughts platonic. Especially after what he did…

 

Anyway! How exactly is Sungjin supposed to go about this, especially after all this time? He can’t just say, “Hey, remember that time I walked in on you showering?”

 

“Well, why not? Two months of ghostin’s kinda extreme,” Dowoon answers as he gnaws on a chicken bone.

 

Sungjin fidgets with the plastic gloves the restaurant provided, suddenly feeling the need to defend Wonpil. “It ain't exactly ghostin'...we’re still talking ta each other...sometimes.”

 

“Do ya even hear yerself right now?” Dowoon demands, switching to a new drumstick and brandishing it in Sungjin’s face. Sungjin can’t tell if he’s pulling his leg because Dowoon suddenly giggles and casually goes back to demolishing their dinner.

 

The funniest thing about this whole thing is that somehow or another, Sungjin’s been hanging out with Dowoon almost every day. Dowoon’s a third-year med student from a neighboring university and it really just drives home the point that you can make time for other people if you put your mind to it. He even went to visit Sungjin during Chuseok which not even Wonpil did (not that Sungjin found the courage to go over to his house either). And by funny, it’s just… Well, Sungjin doesn’t know the exact word for it. He’s mostly annoyed by how hurt he feels knowing that his best friend...hasn’t been the best of friends. Then there’s that vindictive part of him that’s disproportionately happy that at least _someone_ likes his company. What is he? A five-year-old?

 

Between spending so much time with his coursemate and Dowoon, his dialect has started to creep back into his speech. Sungjin wouldn’t have noticed if Wonpil hadn’t given him a funny sort of smile when he said, “Have ya ate?” one night. Sungjin had felt slightly embarrassed and was about to explain himself but Wonpil just gave him a curt ‘Yes’ before scarpering. For someone who insisted that he stuck to using satoori, Wonpil sure is indifferent about it.

 

“That don’t sound like him,” Dowoon says.

 

Sungjin’s face lights up. “Right? Ya think so too?”

 

“Yeh, he keeps saying that if we ever talk to each other, it’ll be ‘a symphony of Busanese’ and that he’s lucky ta have front-row tix.”

 

“A what?” Sungjin says, laughing out loud.

 

Dowoon shrugs. “His words not mine. I don’t get why he’s acting like this. He’s always goin’  ‘Sungjin this, Sungjin that.’”

 

“Yeh, he likes to show off his friends. He can be embarrassing like that,” Sungjin says, rolling his eyes for good measure. Instead of agreeing with him, Dowoon just looks unimpressed. It’s a bit unnerving especially since he chooses that time to rip the meat off the bone like he had something to prove. “What? Ya got somethin’ ta say?”

 

“There’s showing off, and there’s…yannow?”

 

Appetite suddenly gone, Sungjin puts his half-eaten wing down. “He been talking smack about me behind my back?”

 

Dowoon scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes. “Dude, now yer just reachin'. “Park Sungjin, can ya please not look at me like that?”

 

“Like what?” Sungjin returns Dowoon's glare with an innocent look.

 

“Like yer about to send me over to the next life, man.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.”

 

“Then maybe put that bone down, a’ight?”

 

Sungjin tosses the drumstick bone back on his plate a bit shamefully. He’s being ridiculous. In public. Maybe Dowoon’s taking pity on him because he says, “He only ever says good things.” Sungjin feels marginally better until he adds, “Not that I’ve heard anything new recently.”

 

“Gee, thanks,” Sungjin replies with as much sarcasm as he has at his disposal.

 

“No, I mean I literally haven’t seen him for a while now. He hasn’t been coming for practice since..last month? No, August.”

 

That’s weird. “He’s been coming home late though?” Sungjin doesn’t mention that he can’t think of a time when Wonpil isn’t playing or making music.

 

“I’unno. He said he hasn’t been feelin’ up to it.” When Sungjin raises his eyebrow in question Dowoon elaborates. “It ain’t like we’re tryin’ ta go pro. And we all have our own lives... Yannow, I really have no idea how ta interpret yer expression right now.”

 

Well, what can Sungjin say to that? Of course everyone has their own lives. He doesn’t like to share every detail of his, not even with Wonpil. So there’s no reason he should feel offended that Wonpil no longer tells Sungjin about what's been going on.

 

“I don’t even know myself,” Sungjin admits.

 

The next morning, Sungjin wakes up early to run by the Han River. Since it’s a Saturday, there are a few people doing the same, mostly the sports buffs with limbs that could easily snap Sungjin’s neck like a twig. Maybe if he works out more he’ll be healthier, less moody. Endorphins and all. If only he didn’t live for food.

 

Sungjin tries to extend his running time anyway, slowing down to a jog only when his ringtone interrupts his music. He picks up the call with his earphones and regrets not checking the caller ID when he hears Wonpil’s voice.

 

“Can you...can you stop for a sec?”

 

“What?” Sungjin says even as he does just that. Wonpil doesn’t answer but Sungjin can hear him panting on the other end. He doesn’t like where this is going. “Hey, I’m hanging up,” he tells Wonpil and starts to jog again.

 

“Oh no, you don’t!” Wonpil shouts, hanging up anyway. Sungjin thinks he might be hearing things but when he turns around, sure enough, he sees Wonpil sprinting towards him, face extremely red and expression extremely determined. Sungjin has maybe five seconds to dodge because he can tell that Wonpil doesn’t know how to stop his momentum. But what if instead of dodging, Sungjin sticks out his leg? That would be funny, wouldn’t it?

 

While he’s considering whether or not injure his maybe-no-longer-a-best-friend for laughs, Wonpil slams into him, knocking the wind out of them both. Reflexively, Sungjin wraps his arms around Wonpil’s waist and stops them from toppling to the ground by stretching a leg behind him, the soles of his shoes dragging on the ground with a loud crunching sound.

 

Sungjin doesn’t allow himself to enjoy the heat radiating off Wonpil or the softness of Wonpil’s freshly laundered sweater or Wonpil’s full-body shudder as he tries to catch his breath. Rather than being scared that he might be turned on, Sungjin doesn’t like the way his chest is squeezing in affection. He hates how much this situation is making his body sing because the squeeze becomes too much and now he can't fucking breath. He pushes Wonpil away, but not before his traitorous nose deeply breathes in the combination of floral laundry detergent and sweat, storing the information deep within the recesses of his brain for absolutely no reason whatsoever. “What are you doing here?” Sungjin says, sounding gruffer than he means to.

 

“I was...bored...so I...came here...and waited...for you...over there...with your hyung,” Wonpil says in between pants.

 

“My what and where?”

 

Wonpil makes a small sound of surprise when Sungjin leans towards him. Realizing that it’s because his fingers are still gripping Sungjin’s hoodie and are effectively pulling him towards Wonpil, he lets go and waves his arms about. “The bear-hyung.”

 

Free from Wonpil’s clutches, Sungjin looks towards the direction he’s pointing at. A bit further down the path is a statue of a cartoon bear that he’s never even noticed before. He kind of expected a better explanation but then again, this is Wonpil. “Okay…,” Sungjin says, forehead scrunching in confusion. He decides that he’s better off letting Wonpil’s strange remark slide. “But how did you know where I was?”

 

Wonpil wipes the sweat from his face with the ends of his sleeves before answering. “This path is the closest one to a convenience store and our station,” he says simply, looking for all the world like it makes perfect sense. It might be hard for Wonpil to believe but to Sungjin it doesn’t and his patience is wearing thin.

 

“Are you messing around with me? Why are you really here?”

 

“No! Sungjin I...I was just…,” Wonpil’s voice falters. They stare into each other’s eyes in silence, neither wanting to back down yet both of them too scared to be the first to speak. “I got tired of waiting for you to be ready to talk,” Wonpil says finally.

 

Sungjin feels something in him snap. In a last-ditch effort, he sucks in a breath. He counts to ten. He exhales. It doesn’t work because the next he thing he does is jab his finger at his chest and says, “ _Me?_ What about you!?

 

“I ain’t seein’ ya look me in the eye fer months now. Don’t pretend like ya ain’t been slammin’ yer door every time ya realize I’m also outside. Or how about all them passive aggressive texts like that one where ya went all, ‘Try to remember that we have neighbors,’ just to make me turn down the music or some shit when ya coulda just open yer door and say it to my face? And what's up with ya goin' back home on yer own for Chuseok in the dead of the night? I couldn't even call your house ta check if ya were there 'cuz I didn' want yer family to know I fucking lost ya.” Wonpil tries to get a word in edgewise but Sungjin’s not having any of it. He can’t even be bothered to control his dialect. He just wants to get everything off his chest, dammit!

 

“Ya know what, Kim Wonpil? Maybe I owe you a goddamn thanks or summin’? I wouldn’t’ve realized that ya’ve been pulling this shit while I was in the army. Wanna tell me why ya’ve been flakin’ out on me these last two years? Don’tcha ever missed me? What did I even do to ya? Kill yer dog or summin’?”

 

“I don’t have a dog,” Wonpil says and it pisses Sungjin off even more. He grabs the front of Wonpil’s sweater and pulls him close.

 

“Hey, I hate to sound like a jilted girlfriend but let’s end this, maybe?” he says, seething. “I ain’t got no time for someone I can’t even count as a friend. I can’t even read ya anymore. Fucking hell dude, I don’t even know who’s standing in front of me.”

 

Wonpil says something under his breath but his voice is low enough that Sungjin didn’t catch it. “What?”

 

Wonpil shakes Sungjin off and snaps at him. “I said! Have you ever? Truly? Have you ever been able to read me, Park Sungjin? Ah, you’re so irritating! I want to hit you so bad right now!”

 

“Go on! Do it!” Sungjin taunts, mostly because he knows Wonpil will never do it. Sungjin is the more physical one out of the two of them, Wonpil preferring to use words when they fight. Even though Wonpil looks like he might actually hit him, Sungjin knows he can handle it. Wonpil punches like a cat. So the sudden blow on his jaw comes completely unexpectedly. The hook punch was amateur at best but it had enough power in it to make Sungjin stumble. “What the fuck!?”

 

“As if you’re such a great friend!” Wonpil shouts before giving into the pain in his hand and whimpering. “Ah, I want to die…”

 

Sungjin gingerly touches his throbbing jaw and hisses. “Stop whining. I’m in more pain.”

 

“Do me a favor and shut up, asshole,” Wonpil shoots back weakly as he cradles his hand. His eyes are actually watering but Sungjin suspects that it might not completely be because of the pain. “You talk big but you’ve been a shitty friend ever since you started crushing on Lee Sora.”

 

Sungjin stares at him incredulously. What does Lee Sora have to do with anything? Sungjin’s still annoyed but mostly he’s at a loss for words. Seeing that he doesn’t have anything to say, Wonpil continues.

 

“I was lonely, okay? I was there by your side the whole time and let me tell you, you weren’t yourself. You didn’t even notice that I wasn't around much because I was spending time with Jae. You got over her after you confessed? Hah! What a big fat lie.

 

“Ask any of our friends. You wanna know what they used to say? “Yeah, Park Sungjin doesn’t remember us anymore.” But you know what? They’re not your best friend. I am. So I missed you more than they did. I’ve been missing you for five years, you fucking bastard!”

 

Wonpil’s tears are flowing freely now and his voice is shaking with emotion. “I’ve been trying to pretend to be an adult, the bigger person, just so you wouldn’t realize that I’m the kind of shitty friend who wants you all to himself. Thank god I actually found people who won’t push me away for being clingy or you know, _myself_. Because that’s what you do, Park Sungjin. You keep pushing me away!

 

“You think I do it just to see your reaction? You think I enjoy worrying if maybe this time I’ve pushed things too far? That maybe today will be the day you’ve had enough of me? That it’s useless for me to hold on to our years of friendship because we’re just not good for each other anymore? You know, ever since I came out to you and you called me girly, I’ve always been terrified that one day you’ll ask me if I was into you. As if the moment I showed you that side of me, you never saw me as anything other than a parody of a homosexual.”

 

Wonpil’s confession douses the fire of Sungjin’s anger. Hearing that Wonpil shares his own insecurities about their friendship makes his heart feel lighter but it plummets back down once everything else sinks in. It has _never_ occurred to him that Wonpil would be plagued by that kind of thoughts. Sungjin feels like the ground beneath his feet has given way. “Don’t put words in my mouth,” he says, voice faint.

 

“Can you blame me? When you’re so obsessed with how you should be like as a man? A 'real' man? As if it makes sense that anyone else but you can be in touch with their emotions. What was it you said before? You didn’t want to sound like a jilted girlfriend? You’re insulting women everywhere, you misogynistic bastard!”

 

Sungjin gulps audibly, realizing that they’re attracting unwanted attention, mostly from women. A few people have already stopped to stare and whisper to each other behind their hands. He pitches his voice low and speaks fast. “We’re making a scene. Let’s get outta here.” Sungjin grabs Wonpil’s non-injured hand and leads him away.

 

“Don’t touch me,” Wonpil growls, trying to twist his hand and loosen Sungjin’s grip.

 

Sungjin lets him go and snarls. “Then haul ass.” He’s been catching whispers of, “Are they gay?” and “Homos?” and it’s stressing him out. He doesn’t want Wonpil to hear them. He looks back to see if Wonpil’s following him, relieved to see that he is, even if he’s shooting Sungjin a death glare as he angrily wipes away his tears. Sungjin looks up at the cloudless blue sky and breathes in the cool morning air. It calms him down somewhat.

 

“Wonpil-ah, I know sometimes I say the wrong things but I’m trying. Can’t you see that? Do you have to be hung up on the things I said or did in the past, even after I’ve apologized for it?”

 

Instead of answering him, Wonpil changes the subject. “I think you’re right,” he says with something close to finality in his voice. “We should stop hanging out with each other. I don’t want you involved in my life anymore.”

 

Sungjin shuffles to a stop. No, he doesn’t want that. He turns around to tell Wonpil that he didn’t mean what he said before but the words die in his mouth when he sees how distraught Wonpil looks. “I don’t want to drag you down with me anymore. I’m sorry.” He’s looking at Sungjin straight in the eye and it finally clicks to Sungjin what he really means. Wonpil must have heard those poisonous accusations.

 

Sungjin explodes in rage. “I PROMISED DIDN’T I!? I promised that ain’t nothing’s gonna change between us just ‘cuz ya like cock! And it never has, don’tcha get it?!” As soon as those words left his mouth, it dawns on him that in some corner of his heart, Wonpil has been unable to accept Sungjin’s words as the honest truth.

 

He’s livid, but not at Wonpil who’s innocently clutching his hands to his chest in shock. He’s angry with the people who judged them carelessly, their society, this fucked up world they live in. Why should Wonpil have to be afraid to be himself? He’s not bothering anyone. He’s a better person than most people Sungjin knows. What exactly did Wonpil do wrong to deserve this fear of persecution, not for himself, but on Sungjin’s behalf?

 

The person who looks like a cornered rabbit while Sungjin’s breathing fire is living proof that human beings are terrifying. Sungjin’s fury multiplies as he’s overcome with the realization that his behavior and attitude makes him part of the problem. How inflated has his ego become that it's gotten to a point that he’s fooled himself into thinking that there’s nothing more he could do to fix their friendship? How the hell could he have pushed Wonpil to the point that he has to get up early on a weekend and plan an ambush so Sungjin won’t run away?

 

“It’s all just sophistry if you only acknowledge your flaws but do nothing to change it,” Sungjin spits out in his moment of epiphany.

 

“Wh-whaat?” Wonpil says, his expression clearly showing that he thinks Sungjin has lost it. Sungjin wants to laugh but instead, he takes the few steps he needs. He envelopes Wonpil in a crushing hug, not giving the people around them who’ll misconstrue things the satisfaction of him giving a fuck.

 

“You have me,” he says fiercely. “I'm sorry. I probably just haven’t done enough to convince you that I’m not the person you think I am. So I’ll show you. You’ll always have me.”

 

“Sungjin-ah,” Wonpil says after enough time has passed for him to be able to relax into Sungjin’s embrace, his voice muffled by Sungjin's hoodie.

 

Sungjin waits but when it’s clear that Wonpil seems content to just say his name, he says, “I’m here.”

 

“...This is so embarrassing.”

 

“Never woulda guessed,” Sungjin says even though he’s already getting restless and wishing the ground will open up and swallow him whole.

 

Wonpil starts shaking with a mixture of a laugh and a sob. “Thanks. Really, thank you.” He pulls away after some time and gasps in horror. Sungjin looks down and grimaces at the large wet patch on his front. He’s pretty sure there’s snot there too. Wonpil makes to dab at it with the ends of his sleeves before thinking better of it.

 

“Wait, lemme go buy a tissue pack or something,” Wonpil says, already turning around and running towards the nearest convenience store. Not wanting to stand around like a loser, Sungjin chases after him. When they got there, he almost crashes into Wonpil who had abruptly skidded to a stop.

 

“Oh? Ohhhh??” Wondering what’s got Wonpil so excited, Sungjin’s eyes follow his gaze and land on two men over by the stoves for heating up ramyun. One of them is a short and stout old man wearing the uniform of the convenience store. He’s clicking his tongue in irritation and berating a decidedly familiar tall and stick-thin young man.

 

“Park Jaehyung! Long time no see!” Wonpil calls out, grinning from ear to ear. Jaehyung’s harassed expression brightens when he sees Wonpil. He scampers towards them with his long legs and steers Wonpil in front of him like a human shield.

 

“Is he with you?” the clerk asks. Before either of them can answer, he starts to scold them too. “Don’t let this boy out of your sight next time unless you’re absolutely sure he won’t start a fire.” Then to Jaehyung he says, “I’m letting you off because you’re very pretty.”

 

Sungjin is taken aback when Wonpil bows in apology. “I’m so sorry,” he says with Jaehyung echoing a beat later. When the clerk leaves, Wonpil smacks his shoulder playfully. “What did you do, pretty boy?” he asks mock-sternly.

 

“ **Oh nothing much. Just burnt a hole in the ramen tray** ,” Jaehyung replies, bursting into a fit of giggles when he’s met with shocked exclamations. Sungjin didn’t even know it’s possible to be that stupid but today’s just full of surprises. “ **Thanks for taking the heat for me. My manager disappeared somewhere,** **the traitor. Anyway, what’s good? You guys on a date?** ”

 

Sungjin opens his mouth to deny it but Wonpil beats him to it. “You know better than to say something that stupid,” he says sharply, all traces of good humor gone.

 

“ **You’re right, sorry.** ” Jaehyung peers closely at Wonpil’s reddened eyes and nose then squints suspiciously at the wet patch on Sungjin’s front. “ **Did you make him cry?** ” he demands after looking back and forth between them a few times.

 

“Uh...” Sungjin’s not easily intimidated but the way Jaehyung is standing at full height and glaring daggers at him is making him feel uneasy.

 

“He didn’t! Anyway, Jae, your ramyun!” Wonpil says hurriedly, dragging Jaehyung by the elbow towards the stoves. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be too busy to wander around,” Sungjin hears him ask. It feels invasive to listen in on their conversation so Sungjin goes inside the store to get what they came here for.

 

When Sungjin comes out, neither Wonpil or Jaehyung are around. He walks around the plastic tables laid out in front of the store while dabbing at his hoodie with a damp tissue paper. Soon enough he finds the two sitting with their heads close together at a table overlooking the river, reminiscent of their high school days.

 

“Hey, Bob. Didja get anything good?” Jaehyung greets him while waving his chopsticks casually when Sungjin reaches them.

 

Sungjin snorts. “You’re still going on about that?” Ever since Wonpil started tutoring Jaehyung, he’s taken it upon himself to treat Sungjin like his own friend and calling him nicknames that don’t make sense. Maybe that’s why he gets along almost too well with Wonpil.

 

“I’m sure it’s better than what Wonpil calls you. **Ain’t that right?** ” As Sungjin watches them bicker and joke around, it strikes him that even though Jaehyung now has a more than a satisfactory grasp of the Korean language, he prefers to speak to Wonpil in English.

 

It’s not like Sungjin feels left out since he can understand English well even if he can’t speak it. He’s just reminded of what Wonpil said about how they only got close because Sungjin was emotionally unavailable. Not that that’s a bad thing in hindsight. It’s always a good thing to make new friends. There’s no use feeling jealous that Wonpil appreciates Jaehyung more than him and even has a special thing that sets his other friendships apart. Even if jealousy is a normal human emotion, Sungjin won't allow himself to be immature. He tells himself that but then he texts Dowoon to ask if he orchestrated the whole thing.

 

As if remembering Sungjin exists, Wonpil says, “By the way, Sungjin! Jae’s having a busking event somewhere around here soon. You want to come with?”

 

“Yeah, Park Sungjin. Come and watch,” Jaehyung says. He probably doesn’t mean it as a challenge but the way Wonpil is now gushing about how cool it is to personally know a celebrity and how they shouldn’t give up this opportunity is testing Sungjin's patience.

 

“No, I don’t think your fangirls are going to appreciate having someone who smells like sweat and has snot all over his front,” he says, tempering his words with a smile to show Wonpil he doesn’t mean anything bad about it. “I’m gonna go home. See you later?”

 

“Okay,” Wonpil says without a hint of disappointment. The Wonpil that’s brimming with excitement is such a far cry from the Wonpil less than twenty minutes ago. The Wonpil with Park Jaehyung is far happier than the Wonpil with him, Sungjin thinks despondently.

 

“Good luck,” Sungjin says to Jaehyung, hating himself for being half-assed about a simple wish. His phone buzzes from a text as he tries not to make it look like he wants to get away from them ASAP.

 

 

> **Dowoon:** i take it you guys made up? :)
> 
> **You:** So it WAS you. Die.
> 
> **Dowoon:** how violent~
> 
> **You:** Still…
> 
> **You:** Thanks
> 
> **Dowoon:** npnp

 

Since Dowoon hasn’t mentioned anything about Jaehyung, it’s safe to assume that bumping into him was just a crazy coincidence. Sungjin’s trying not to put stock in fate or destiny anymore. He’s responsible for the consequences of his own decisions. And if he feels like something’s missing even though he and Wonpil have made up...that’s something that can be fixed.

 

Sungjin’s done for the day but instead of heading straight home, he parks himself in his favorite cubicle in the library. Thursday is the one day of the week where his and Wonpil’s classes finish almost at the same time. After learning that neither of them was planning on staying back, Wonpil had suggested that they go home together.

 

Sungjin’s worn out from two back-to-back lectures and a grueling tutorial so while waiting, he plays a puzzle game that requires little brainpower on his phone. The downside to this is that even when he’s tired, Sungjin’s brain likes to overthink. Since the alternative is to agonize over his CGPA, he latches onto a less dangerous subject: Kim Wonpil.

 

Their relationship has become better after that day by the Han river. Wonpil’s been smiling more and filling their place up with singing and laughter. After months, or maybe years of unexplainable awkwardness, the atmosphere takes on a different quality than what Sungjin’s used to. Whether or not it’s because he still hasn’t fully analyzed how much things have changed, Sungjin gets extremely irritable if they don’t talk for more than a day.

 

It’s distressing. Should he be more concerned with this new clinginess he’s picked up or how he’s become addicted to the uncomfortable feeling of his heart beating out of rhythm whenever he merely  _thinks_ about Wonpil?

 

As though summoned, Wonpil arrives at his cubicle. With the in-game music turned off and his playlist ended some levels ago, Sungjin notices him pretty quickly. “Hey,” Wonpil mouths when Sungjin looks up. Despite his mega-watt smile, he looks as tired as Sungjin feels. As a third-year, the end of the year grind hits Wonpil harder and cracks are beginning to show in his sunny disposition. Sungjin doesn’t say anything as he gets up to go. Wonpil will talk his ear off about how exhausted and stressed out he is without his prompting.

 

As they walk towards the bus stop, it doesn’t escape Sungjin’s notice that his body has filled up with renewed vigor. It’s almost unnoticeable but in contrast, Wonpil’s gait is unsteady. Partially worried but mostly annoyed by Wonpil’s insistence on pretending that he’s just imagining things, Sungjin slings an arm around his shoulders and forces Wonpil to shift his weight onto him. In the chilly autumn night, Wonpil’s grateful smile warms Sungjin up more than the body pressing against his.

 

True to Sungjin’s prediction, Wonpil spends most of the journey home ranting about his workload, not stopping even for the simple dinner of bibimbap they made out of leftovers. “Ugh, I’m sorry for always complaining,” Wonpil says. He massages the bridge of his nose tiredly, completely unbothered by the way the end of his spoon keeps knocking into his glasses.

 

“That’s alright. It’s not like I can’t relate,” Sungjin reassures him. “Tis the season to suffer from a semi-permanent burnout and all that jazz.” Which is completely true. What he doesn’t tell Wonpil is that he somewhat enjoys their conversations. It’s a new territory for Sungjin. Before this, his no-nonsense ass would shut Wonpil down immediately and tell him to stop whining for the sake of whining. He ends up being distracted from trying to untangle the knots his thoughts have ended up in by Wonpil’s drowsy smile.

 

Sungjin can’t remember when it started but late at night (or early in the morning, same difference) instead of catching up on sleep, he’d be sprawled on the floor of their living room to work on his assignments. Usually, Wonpil would already be inside his room before Sungjin even begins this new routine but tonight he catches Sungjin pouring over his notes on his way to the bathroom.

 

“Burning the midnight oil?” Wonpil asks, voice laden with sympathy. Sungjin only grunts in reply, too embarrassed by the truth. He could have worked in the privacy of his own room but every night, a childish part of him hopes that Wonpil would join him only to come out disappointed. So when Wonpil returns with a mug of coffee and hands it to Sungjin before lounging on their couch, Sungjin can only look at him in stunned silence.

 

“I’ll go to bed when you do,” Wonpil answers Sungjin’s unvoiced question. Propping his head up with one hand, he casually picks up the tv remote from the coffee table and lazily flips through channels.

 

“Is this some roundabout way to get me to finish up early?” Sungjin says, setting the mug on the coffee table. Not only is he unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, a corner of his mouth is stubbornly curling upwards despite his best efforts. He doesn’t say that he’s already had three cups that day. It’s a thoughtful gesture he won’t turn down.

 

“You’re smarter than I thought!” Wonpil says in mock-amazement. He’s well prepared when Sungjin throws a pen in his direction. Sniggering, Wonpil picks up the pen from where it bounced off the cushion he used as a shield and hides the pen behind his back.

 

“That’s not my only pen,” Sungjin points out. He’s also grinning but rolls his eyes exaggeratedly in case Wonpil thinks he’s having fun.

 

“Still,” Wonpil says, stretching lazily on the couch and groaning happily. He goes back to channel surfing so Sungjin takes it as his cue to stop thinking about the flash of skin and belly ring he saw when Wonpil’s sweater rode up.

 

They end up talking about nothing and everything with the buzzing of the tv as background noise. But rather than distract him, just having his best friend by his side helps Sungjin stay sane in these trying times. Even when he hits a roadblock with an essay, Sungjin’s concentration only breaks when Wonpil suddenly starts shouting excitedly. He watches with bewilderment as Wonpil fumbles with the remote in his haste to turn up the volume. Sungjin’s gut roils with unease when he sees Wonpil’s lips stretches into a wide smile at the sound of Park Jaehyung’s laugh.

 

“It’s Jae!” Wonpil tells him uselessly, pointing at the screen. Dutifully, he turns his attention to the variety show playing on the tv. Sungjin doesn’t watch tv much but this particular programme is one of his favorites. Even so, the show’s charm does nothing to tamp down the annoyance rising up in his throat. He’s about to dive back into his essay when one of the hosts starts asking the guests about their ideal type in a lover.

 

“C’mon, they’re not rookies anymore. Talk to them about their music at least,” Wonpil grouses out loud. He says nothing else as the host cycles through each band member but Sungjin finds himself anticipating Jaehyung’s answer.

 

“Someone petite, I guess? And cute of course.” Sungjin peeks at Wonpil to see his reaction. He doesn’t know what he expects to see but Wonpil’s lack of reaction isn’t it. He seems completely unperturbed, either because he knows Jaehyung is lying or that he’s known it all along.

 

A sobering thought suddenly forms in his mind. If Sungjin already considers Wonpil slightly below average height, how would Jaehyung, who breathes a different kind of air up there, see him? Petite? And you can’t go wrong with calling Wonpil cute. Cuteness is more than a concept for Kim Wonpil; it’s his fucking brand.

 

Come to think of it, isn’t it weird that Jaehyung was so close to Lee Sora but they weren’t dating?

 

“Is Park Jaehyung gay too?” Sungjin asks before he could stop himself. Thankfully, Wonpil only looks taken aback and not offended like Sungjin feared. But that doesn’t stop him from tacking on a hasty apology for being crass.

 

“No, that’s okay. And...uh...it’s really not my place to say,” Wonpil says diplomatically.

 

“Ah,” Sungjin replies with an understanding nod. That seems to be the wrong reaction because a panic-stricken look crosses Wonpil’s face.

 

“He does like women!”

 

“Oh. Is that so?”

 

Wonpil visibly relaxes when Sungjin doesn’t prod further. Of course, his interest is piqued but like Wonpil said, it’s not his place and Sungjin should just mind his own business. It surprises him however when Wonpil apologizes. “It’s just hard to not...automatically assume that someone thinks there’s something wrong with it.”

 

“Wonpil-ah—”

 

“I know you’re supportive. You’ve been great. You have no idea how much…” Wonpil pauses, fingers fidgeting and eyes downcast. “How much I appreciate the effort you’ve put in. You constantly blow me away with every prejudice you overcame on your own.”

 

Sungjin’s face heats up. He understands all too well what Wonpil is saying. Ever since Wonpil came out to him that spring day, Sungjin went from thinking,

 

 _“Well, we’re still young. It’s fine to experiment. And as long as he doesn’t come on to me I’m cool with it. I feel sorry for him,”_ to

 

 _“Jesus Christ, who has he been hanging around with? I hope he doesn’t go wild or anything. God, I really hope he stays safe when he gets drafted. Is he doing okay without me?”_ to

 

 _“It’s amazing to see how independent he is now. Oh, wait. No, Wonpil, what happened to your confidence? Who did this to you? I’ll kill them,”_ to

 

_“Am I gay too?”_

 

The last one carries too much emotional baggage so Sungjin has put it on the backburner. There’s too much to unpack and he’s honestly terrified of the answers he seeks. Regardless, Sungjin knows that he still has a long way to go in order to be Wonpil’s pillar of support. It’s only thanks to Wonpil that he’s able to unlearn a lot of his unintentionally hurtful attitudes and behaviors.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says.

 

“That you’re not perfect?” Wonpil asks casually. Sungjin blinks owlishly at him so he elaborates. “I never expected you to be a perfect friend. All I wanted was to be fully accepted for who I am. That’s a lot to ask from someone who’s not my mom,” he says with a grin. Then he suddenly pulls a face.

 

“Somehow we ended up making this about you,” he mutters, pretending to sulk.

 

Sungjin cringes in embarrassment. Feeling like he’s been seen through completely and needing something to busy himself with, he awkwardly forces himself to finish the coffee Wonpil made him.

 

“I’m pretty sure I can only talk about this easily because I had you and Jae with me when I needed someone,” Wonpil says with a fondness Sungjin hasn’t heard before. He notices that Wonpil has a faraway look in his eyes as he goes back to watching Jae entertaining the masses.

 

Sungjin tries to wash down the lump in his throat and is disappointed to realize that his mug is empty. Then he tries to go back to his essay to distract himself from his confusing feelings. Boy, does he try. But his efforts don’t matter because he ends up staring at a blank document long after the episode with Jaehyung and his band finished.

 

Since the essay is for an elective and comparatively low on his list of priorities, he had put it off until the last minute. He regrets it to hell and back because he’s running on three to four hours of sleep, overcaffeination, and jealousy. A movie analysis is something completely beyond his abilities right now.

 

Sungjin lets out a pathetic groan as he presses on his tired eyelids with the heel of his palms. Maybe he should just go to sleep. Or he could use a valuable resource he has at his disposal. Read: Kim Wonpil, mass comm student and lover of literature. This shit should be pitifully easy to him. Except Sungjin doesn’t want Wonpil to know that he’s struggling with something like this.

 

Wonpil catches him staring anyway and demands to know what’s on his mind. He humors Sungjin’s clumsy attempts at deflection for a moment. But right when Sungjin thinks he’s safe, Wonpil whines, “I just want to help,” in a hurt tone. Sungjin relents in the end and gives him the rundown of his assignment.

 

“That’s a boring movie,” he remarks.

 

Sungjin agrees but he can’t use that in an essay. His grade is at stake here. “Isn’t there a better way to describe the theme? I’m seriously stumped. The main character’s love for his leading lady isn’t passionate or anything like that.

 

“It’s like…” Sungjin trails off with a hum. He can feel the words forming right in front of him but because they’re immaterial, the words slip from his grasp. “I think it’s like a quiet kind of love that’s still powerful?” he says, genuinely struggling to make sense.

 

Wonpil rubs his finger on his lips in contemplation. “Don’t worry, I get what you’re trying to say. I can’t really remember what happened in the movie but it’s a subtle yet overwhelming love. You know the feeling of wanting to cry in your loved one’s place so they don’t have to? Because it hurts to see them in pain. So you’re willing to do anything, willing to bend over backward until you break your back just to make them smile again.

 

Loving someone is so strange, isn’t it? Maybe you should use that. Try writing about how the main character’s actions is completely illogical but at the same time makes perfect sense because you just want what’s best for the person you love.”

 

Sungjin stares at him with his mouth agape. Hearing those words come out of Wonpil’s mouth isn’t strange at all. Wonpil has good insight when it comes to human emotions and it shows in the songs and stories he writes. What catches Sungjin off guard is the hint of self-deprecation and resignation he could hear in Wonpil’s voice. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about and for some reason, it makes Sungjin feel lonely.

 

He’s never felt like that. He’s only had crushes, nothing powerful enough to call ‘love’. Wonpil said before that crushing on Lee Sora had changed Sungjin and while he admits that it was an intense period for him, he sees it as part and parcel of being a teenager. It wasn’t anything special.

 

But it begs the question: so what? So what if Wonpil’s fallen in love before? It’s normal. He’s a sensitive and romantic guy, of course he’d be able to experience it before Sungjin does. But who was it? That guy he met online? He was Wonpil’s first boyfriend after all. Or is it someone more recent? Sungjin doesn’t like how bothered he is by this. He’s wasting his energy. The best thing to do is mind his own business.

 

To Sungjin’s relief, he’s able to forget about it as the whirlwind of deadlines and exams forces him to temporarily strip himself of his human agency and assume the life of a machine that regurgitates data. He knows that Wonpil’s last paper is on the same day as his but they’ve each made plans with their own circle of friends to celebrate.

 

What welcomes him home after tottering home alone on the tail end of autumn is the sight of Dowoon asleep and curled up like a cat in front of the tv, cans of beer stacked in a pyramid, half-empty packets of snacks littered all over the coffee table, and Wonpil nestled in Kang Younghyun’s lap.

 

“Oh, hello,” Younghyun says, bowing his head slightly as he continues rubbing Wonpil’s back. Sungjin can’t pick up any hint of embarrassment or awkwardness in his voice. Strangely enough, he himself is maintaining his composure. Or maybe it’s because he’s just stunned, plain and simple.

 

“Hi?” Sungjin didn’t mean to make it sound like a question but Younghyun doesn’t question it. He only smiles back at him, flashing a set of perfectly even and white teeth. Sungjin hasn’t wanted to smash his fist into them in years but he can feel his hands twitching. Catching himself, he quickly busies his hands with taking off his parka.

 

His ears perk up when he hears Wonpil’s voice. “Is Sungjin back?” he says, words slurring. His eyes are barely open, either from sleepiness or because they’re red and puffy.

 

“Ah, yeah. I’m home,” Sungjin replies uneasily, knowing full well that he looks awkward standing in the middle of the room with his backpack and parka hanging limply from his arms. But he’s stuck between fleeing to his room or checking to see if Wonpil needs anything.

 

“Sungjin, listen to this!” Wonpil wails in the sickly sweet tone he gets when he’s drunk. Abruptly, Younghyun cuts him off.

 

“Alright, alright. You shouldn’t bother poor Sungjin, he must really be tired. Let’s get you to bed, hm?”

 

Amazingly enough, Wonpil nods obediently and goes back to burying his face into Younghyun’s shoulder. “Ah, you’re adorable,” he says. Sungjin doesn’t know if Younghyun is being sarcastic or not because he can’t see what’s so adorable about a grown man clinging to another grown man like a koala. Younghyun ruffles Wonpil’s hair and then pushes the sleeves of his sweater up to his biceps.

 

Sungjin gives up trying to make sense of the situation and starts to head into his room. Then the sound of painful grunting stops him in his tracks. Turning around, he see that Younghyun is struggling to push himself off the couch with Wonpil still in his arms, his handsome face twisting ridiculously and his drop earrings swinging back and forth in long arcs. “Uh, do you need some help?” Sungjin asks.

 

“No, it’s cool. I’ve done this way too often.” Sungjin feels his jaw go slack as, with what could only be from tons of practice and maybe really strong muscles, Younghyun actually succeeds. His wide eyes follow Younghyun as he carries Wonpil to his room and by the time he blinks himself out of his stupor, Younghyun is already walking out, looking slightly harassed and out of breath. He’s replaced Wonpil with his spare yo which he then dumps on the couch.

 

“Don’t worry Sungjin, I’ll get this mess all cleaned up,” Younghyun says, kicking Dowoon softly and giggling when he whimpers and wriggles around without waking up.

 

“Um. Okay. Thank you,” Sungjin says faintly. Switching to autopilot, he goes to his room and changes into more comfortable clothes. His brain is too frazzled and the alcohol in his system is making him find Younghyun’s display of strength weirdly attractive. And for some fucking reason, Sungjin can’t get the image of the veins in Younghyun’s forearms bulging under Wonpil’s weight. “What is wrong with me?” he hissed under his breath.

 

Even if he feels like it’s safe to assume that Dowoon is staying over, he wonders if Younghyun also is, so Sungjin goes back out to ask. He finds him looking completely at home in the kitchen, tying up a rubbish bag and setting it aside to put out later. It makes Sungjin wonder how often he’s come over. Noticing Sungjin, Younghyun flashes him a grin that wipes his mind clean.

 

Sungjin saw him just last summer and even talked to him quite a bit but although he always knew Younghyun is blessed with good looks and height, somehow it feels like this is his first time really seeing Kang Younghyun. Or maybe it’s more accurate to think of him as a different Kang Younghyun than the one he remembers from school.

 

“By the way, Wonpil ate the chips you’ve been saving,” Younghyun says, voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “He was pretty happy with himself but I’m an awful friend and I kinda wanna to see him get kicked in the ass.”

 

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll give it to him good,” Sungjin says, finally finding his voice. Younghyun’s gleeful laughter makes him feel shy so he pretends to look for something in the fridge to hide his face. Nothing looks quite appetizing so Sungjin settles for grabbing a can of soda even though he’s been abstaining from carbonated drinks for some time now. When he emerges, he sees Younghyun sipping from a glass of water, silently studying Sungjin.

 

Sungjin’s not easily intimidated by his sharp gaze though. “Like the view?”

 

Younghyun’s eyes widen. Sungjin’s about to apologize but then he bursts out laughing. “It’s not bad I guess,” he says once he’s caught his breath.

 

That’s a surprising answer. He’s learned from his previous slip-ups so instead of asking Younghyun if he’s into men, Sungjin asks, “Aren’t you dating Lee Sora?” Younghyun’s stunned silence unnerves him so he quickly backtracks.

 

“No, no, I am,” Younghyun says, mirroring Sungjin’s anxiously flapping hands. “I was just surprised that you knew.”

 

Sungjin honestly doesn’t know what he expected to feel after learning that they’re still together. He told Wonpil that he got over her but it’s a bit of a shock to realize how indifferent he really feels. Remembering how much he used to agonize over it makes him feel dumb. He’d beat himself up more but right now, he’s more concerned about Younghyun’s second statement. “...We were classmates back in high school.”

 

Younghyun’s lips form a circle of surprise. “Oh, for real?”

 

Sungjin can feel a corner of his eye twitching in disbelief. “We had drinks together last summer...and talked about school….”

 

Younghyun bites a clenched fist and lets out a tiny sound that’s halfway between a scream and a laugh. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Wonpil just talks about you so much that you’re kind of like, a mythical creature to me.”

 

“You’re shitting me,” he says.

 

“No, I honestly forgot you’re _that_ Sungjin,” Younghyun says, clapping his hand together in supplication. “I mean, okay, to be fair, I had no friends in high school until like, the second year. And it just didn’t click that you’re the...uh…” he trails off, gulping audibly.

 

Sungjin doesn’t like the sound of that. When Younghyun doesn’t continue, he prompts him with a wave of a hand. “The what? What do you mean by _that_ Sungjin?”

 

Younghyun tilts his head and puts an innocent expression. “Anyway, a lot of people tell me that I’m like a different person now. You’re probably the first person who knew me from back then who didn’t bring it up.” Sungjin returns his smile but has his teeth clenched so Younghyun knows that he’s not falling for it.

 

“High school is crazy huh?” Younghyun presses on. His awkward laughter dies as quickly as it started.

 

It’s too bad since Sungjin agrees with him but he really has no patience for bullshit. “Did Wonpil tell you I had a crush on your girlfriend?” he demands.

 

“You what?”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Younghyun’s eyes narrow and the corners of his mouth pull down slightly. It’s a face Sungjin remembers. It’s a dangerous face that brings back memories of whispered rumors floating around back then about Younghyun getting involved in gang wars. Sungjin can hold his own in a fight but he really hopes that it doesn’t come to that. A drop of condensation from his can drips onto his bare foot, startling him out of his internal meltdown and into action.

 

“I mean. It was ages ago. Like you said, high school is crazy, huh?” Sungjin can’t bring himself to laugh so he just smiles nervously.

 

“Well, yes,” Younghyun says, slow enough that Sungjin doesn’t feel the need to flinch. Instead of baring his teeth like an alpha male the way Sungjin expected him, Younghyun has the look of a person trying to defuse a live bomb. It’s also probably an expression he himself is wearing. “Not to brag, but I can definitely relate.”

 

Sungjin lets out the tiniest breath of relief. “So…,” he says, grasping at straws. “What’s Lee Sora up to these days?”

 

It turns out that Lee Sora is studying in the UK and is actually flying home tomorrow afternoon for winter break. Sungjin’s and Wonpil’s officetel is closer to Seoul Station than Younghyun’s dorm so Wonpil had invited him to sleep over to make it easier for him to pick her up.

 

“It was all a ploy to get more people to watch tonight’s award show,” Younghyun says with a giggle. “He just likes Jae too much!” Sungjin’s expression must have been awful because the humor in Younghyun’s eyes disappears immediately.

 

“Er. I meant his music. He even got all upset when Jae’s band didn’t win their nomination. It’s really funny once he got drunk enough, you wanna watch it?” he backpedals, fiddling with his phone.

 

“It’s true, though. Isn’t it? Park Jaehyung is really important to Wonpil,” Sungjin says, keeping his tone neutral. He doesn’t think it’s too difficult of a question but Younghyun keeps playing with his phone to stall for time. Just when Sungjin starts to find the tension between them to be too much, Younghyun finally looks at him.

 

It’s hard to read his expression, especially since Sungjin is still more of a stranger than an acquaintance. At the very least, he can tell that Younghyun is being serious. “Probably not in the way you’re thinking,” he says delicately. “You’re special to him in your own way.”

 

Sungjin almost chokes on his soda. The fizz burns his throat badly enough that he has to blink away tears. “Why are we talking about me?” he says, coughing. He really doesn’t like the way Younghyun’s look of sympathy deepens.

 

“Do you really want me to spell it out for you?” Younghyun says in a tone that suggests he doesn’t expect Sungjin to say yes.

 

Sungjin can’t say his confidence is completely baseless though. He doesn’t want to know what Younghyun really meant. Not when he can still hear Wonpil’s voice, clear as day, saying, _“I’ve always been terrified that one day you’ll ask me if I was into you. As if the moment I showed you that side of me, you never saw me as anything other than a parody of a homosexual."_

 

“No.” Sungjin holds in a heavy sigh. “There’s no need.”

 

 


	4. status update

hi, i'm not sure if anyone's still following this fic but i'm p sure there'll be new readers once in a while. anyway to my COMPLETE AND UTTER SURPRISE it's almost been an entire year since my last update. honestly i had planned to finish this by january 2018 but writing about an unrequited love got too painful when my own messed up unrequited love reared its head just when i thought i was moving on. then uni happened and as always, school wears you out. despite taking a break from fandom (pretty much got a Shock when i went to day6 in manila and found out that the bald sungjin i wrote became reality), i've been writing what little bit i could come up with when i had the time/motivation but it was never enough to update since i've already set this fic to be a prologue+4 chapters. i hope to get back to writing very soon once my exam ends! to be honest, i really want to just rewrite the published chapters once i'm done with the last 2 but i'm not sure how that'll go. better to not make too many plans for now. thank you so much for reading and leaving comments I HOPE TO BE BACK SOON

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are great and comments are even better! But if you want to support me more, check out [my tumblr post](https://flopyxing.tumblr.com/post/167544835841/fic-comms) for more info!


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